Insult Party
by The-Oddish
Summary: It's completely mental and insane and not safe for sane people to read. So go read it!!!
1. Default Chapter

Me getting good use out of two words: moron, and pun. And shut up. Oh, and making fun of all the shippings I can see any hints to, and then some I can't. It's probably too insane to read. Oh well. And I DON'T OWN POKÉMON!!! D'ya think I'd be doing this if I did????  
  
~ Sarah  
  
  
  
Ash: Misty, you really have no fashion sense.  
  
Jesse: Ooh, the Twerp couple are going to have a fight!  
  
Misty: Oh, and you DO? And we are NOT a couple! We don't hug all the time like you and James do!  
  
James: What was that about me?  
  
Jesse: Your boyfriend might be stupid but we aren't! We've heard your songs!  
  
Misty: **going red** Uh… what songs?  
  
Brock: Tracey, what made you think you could replace ME? Everyone hates you—  
  
Misty: Your name is a stupid pun…  
  
Ash: You're fat…  
  
Jesse: You have no fashion sense!  
  
James: You're ugly (not like me!)  
  
Tracey: Hey, why does everyone hate me? And my name isn't a pun! At least I HAVE a last name!  
  
Cassidy: An argument? Can we join in?  
  
Jesse: You probably can't even insult people properly.  
  
Butch: Cassidy is a much better partner than Jesse will EVER be!  
  
James: Botch, have you been out with Jesse?  
  
Butch: Botch? Why I should…  
  
James: Your name ISN'T Botch?  
  
Cassidy: NO HIS NAME ISN'T BOTCH!!! HOW COULD THAT BE A NAME???  
  
James: It's a stupid name for a stupid person.  
  
Jesse: How comes you're sticking up for him, Cass?  
  
Cassidy: I AM NOT STANDING UP FOR HIM AND DON'T CALL ME CASS!!!  
  
Jesse: Sorry… Cass.  
  
Cassidy: Why you stupid…  
  
Gary: Hey, is this an insult competition? Can I join?  
  
Ash: You couldn't win an insult match just like you couldn't win a Pokémon match!  
  
Gary: Shut up, you lamor.  
  
Ash: Lamor?  
  
Everyone except Ash: **falls over animé style**  
  
Misty: Leave Ash alone Gary you—  
  
Brock: Standing up for Ashy now, huh Misty?  
  
Misty: NO! I was just… well, uh… I was just… **sweatdrops**  
  
Tracey: So why doesn't anyone like me?  
  
Brock: You replaced me and EVERYONE loves me so they would hate you!  
  
Misty: I wouldn't say EVERYONE loves you, Brocko.  
  
Ash: Gary, you never win any Pokémon battles so—  
  
Misty: Ashy-Boy, that argument ending ages ago.  
  
Gary: It's Ashy-Boy now, is it?  
  
Misty: You called him Ashy-Boy FIRST!!!  
  
Jesse: So you both fancy him?  
  
Misty and Gary: NO!  
  
Brock: Ash how do you get so many gi—people after you?  
  
Ash: What do you mean, 'after me'?  
  
Everyone except Ash: **falls over again**  
  
Cassidy: Jesse, if you remember, we still have a little score to settle…  
  
Jesse: If you tell anyone our secret I'll kill you!  
  
James: I didn't know Jesse had any secrets!  
  
Butch: That's because they're SECRETS!  
  
Tracey: **covering his ears** Shut up Botch or Butch or whatever your name is, your voice hurts my ears!  
  
Cassidy: Don't insult him!  
  
James: Can't Botch stand up for himself? Is he crying now?  
  
Jesse: Awww, Botch needs his girlfriend to stand up for him…  
  
Butch: At least I have a girlfriend!  
  
James: So do I!  
  
Jesse: You do? Who?  
  
Butch: You were denying it earlier too!  
  
Jesse: Who, James?  
  
James: IT'S YOU YOU IDIOT!!!  
  
Jesse: Who are you calling an idiot?  
  
Cassidy: You, obviously. He's right, too.  
  
Jesse: James you're supposed to be standing up for me not insulting me!  
  
Ash: Botch, who let you out of jail?  
  
Butch: We escaped.  
  
Cassidy: Yeah, it was so boring in there…  
  
Butch: You saying I'm boring, Cassie?  
  
Cassidy: No, I didn't say THAT!  
  
Misty: Ooh, Botch and Cass are arguing!  
  
Jesse: And then Botch will cry…  
  
Brock: Hey Sarah you stupid author if you like me so much why have you gone and forgotten me?  
  
Sarah: Oops. Okay. Anyway, what do you mean?  
  
Brock: Nothing. Jesse, you're quite cute you know…  
  
James: Hands off, she's MINE!  
  
Jesse: Keep YOUR hands off; I'm nobody's!  
  
James: I thought you liked me!  
  
Jesse: Maybe I do but we're not going out so let other guys flirt with me!  
  
James: He's a Twerp, Jess.  
  
Jesse: Good point. Botch… I mean, Butch…  
  
James: **stares with his gob open**  
  
Jesse: You look real ugly like that James…  
  
James: **wails** Jesse thinks I'm ugly!  
  
Butch: She's right.  
  
James: Misty do you think I'm ugly?  
  
Misty: Well… hang on; you've called me ugly. Yes.  
  
James: Cassidy?  
  
Cassidy: Yeah, real ugly, Jimmy.  
  
James: **wails** I'm UGLY!!!  
  
Butch: Jesse would love you no matter how ugly you were…  
  
Jesse: I WOULD NOT GO OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS UGLY WHY DO YOU THINK I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT WITH YOU!!!  
  
Ash: It's what's on the inside not what's on the outside that counts.  
  
Cassidy: Butch is NOT ugly!  
  
Jesse: I wouldn't be able to stand his voice.  
  
Butch: You were flirting with me a few minutes ago…  
  
Jesse: That was to get James to ask me out!  
  
James: It was? So you don't think I'm ugly?  
  
Brock: James, you're not ugly, you—  
  
Misty: And you would know that because?  
  
Brock: Well, I, uh, um… **sweatdrops** Anyway Girls'-Name-Pun-Boy, I never finished beating the [bleep] outta you!  
  
Ash: What does [bleep] mean?  
  
Misty: It's swearing, Ash.  
  
Ash: Oh. Bleep sounds like a sound effect.  
  
Everyone except Ash: **falls over once more**  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Ash, if you ever use language like that again I'll…  
  
Prof. Oak: Hi everyone!  
  
Ash: Where did Prof. Oak come from?  
  
Misty: Ash, he always goes wherever your mum goes. Coincidence? I think not.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: It's not like that!  
  
Ash: Like what?  
  
Everyone except Ash: **falls over animé-style**  
  
Misty: Ash, you're so thick sometimes it's almost…  
  
Brock: You think it's cute?  
  
Misty: NOOOO!!!  
  
Brock: Okay, don't bite my head off…  
  
Misty: I'm TRYING to damn well insult you!!!  
  
Brock: Oh.  
  
Misty: Oh? Oh? Can't you even insult people???  
  
Brock: OKAY YOU MORON I'LL YELL AT YOU! AND YOU HAVE THE MOST AWFUL ORANGE HAIR!  
  
Everyone except Brock: **stares blankly at Brock**  
  
Brock: What? Why do I always have to be the peacemaker?  
  
James: You don't sound like it.  
  
Everyone except James: **falls over animé-style**  
  
Jesse: James, you are really stupid sometimes.  
  
Butch: Sometimes?  
  
Cassidy: Make that all the time.  
  
Jesse: You shut it, Cass.  
  
Cassidy: If you keep calling me Cass I'll have to tell everyone our little secret…  
  
James: How come you never told me your secret?  
  
Jesse: Why should I?  
  
James: Don't you trust me?  
  
Tracey: Stop whining James, you're hurting my ears…  
  
Brock: You really have sensitive ears, Pun-Boy.  
  
Tracey: They have really awful voices!  
  
Brock: So do you.  
  
Ash: Yeah. At least I have a normal voice.  
  
Misty: Normal? **laughing** From a distance, all you can hear is a squeak…  
  
Ash: You've been listening to me talking to Brock when I thought you were out some place?  
  
Misty: Why? Got something to hide?  
  
Ash: No…  
  
Brock: Hey Misty, when's Ash gonna repay you for that bike? Or didn't you ever want him to repay you in the first place?  
  
Misty: Wa…? Oh yeah. My bike. Ash Ketchum, if you don't repay me for my bike then I'll—  
  
Tracey: Ash, your name is a pun too!  
  
Ash: It is?  
  
Tracey: Yeah! Ketchum… like Catch 'em!  
  
Ash: **blank look**  
  
Tracey: As in 'gotta catch 'em all'???  
  
Ash: Oh.  
  
Jesse: That's the stupidest name I ever heard! **cracks up laughing**  
  
Tracey: Stupider than Tracey Sketchit?  
  
Jesse: Well, that's pushing it a little…  
  
Cassidy: We didn't actually come for an argument; we came for your Poké—  
  
Butch: Forget that! This is more fun!  
  
Cassidy: But… Butch…  
  
Butch: The Boss won't know we stopped for a break…  
  
Jesse: What's up, Cass? Afraid your little secrets might leak out too?  
  
Cassidy: No, in fact I don't know which ones you're talking about.  
  
Jesse: Oh, you know all right.  
  
Cassidy: Threatening me now, Jess?  
  
Butch: Cassie…  
  
Cassidy: Butch, leave off. I can argue for myself, you know.  
  
Ash: Wait. Tracey, were you making fun of my name?  
  
Tracey: Was I—oh, back then? Man, you are SLOW, Ash.  
  
Misty: He is NOT—I mean, yeah Trace, you're right, he IS slow.  
  
Brock: It's 'Trace' now, is it?  
  
Misty: NO!  
  
Brock: But you weren't standing up for Ash?  
  
Misty: NOOOOO!!!  
  
Brock: Okay, okay. No need to deafen me.  
  
Misty: Sorry Brock.  
  
Tracey: Apologising to Brock now, are you?  
  
Misty: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Jesse: Jeez, Misty, you're after more guys than I am!  
  
James: Which guys?  
  
Cassidy: You've changed, Jess. You used to—  
  
Jesse: SHUT UP!!! That's in the past.  
  
Ash: Tracey, did you say I was slow?  
  
Tracey: Yes. Hey, Jesse and James, and Cassidy and Butch! Your names are puns too!  
  
Jesse: They are?  
  
Tracey: Yeah. Jesse James and Butch Cassidy!  
  
Ash: How is that a pun?  
  
Jesse: Are you insulting me?  
  
Tracey: No, I, er, well… I'M SUPPOSED TO BE INSULTING YOU, MORON!  
  
Jesse: Oh, right.  
  
James: Sooo… how is it a pun?  
  
Tracey: Duh… there were two people: Jesse James, and Butch Cassidy, and—  
  
Misty: All riiiight, we get it now. Shut up.  
  
Tracey: Who are you telling to shut up?  
  
Misty: You.  
  
Tracey: Oh, okay… WAIT! Don't tell me to shut up!  
  
Misty: And why shouldn't I?  
  
Brock: Hey, give the rest of a chance to speak.  
  
Misty: Well, sor-ree.  
  
Brock: Well, um, uh, err…  
  
Ash: You can't think of anything insulting to say?  
  
Brock: No, it's just I, well, um… Yeah.  
  
Misty: Hey, Mrs Ketchum, we still got a few things to ask you…  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Uh… like what?  
  
Misty: Like, who is Ash's father?  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Would it sound bad if I said I didn't know?  
  
Misty: Yes it would.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Well, uh…  
  
Prof. Oak: Delia, don't you think you should tell him that—  
  
Mrs Ketchum: NO!  
  
Prof. Oak: Okay, okay…  
  
Misty: Ash, do YOU know who your father is?  
  
Ash: Is this a trick question? Oh, I know! Is it… James?  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Ohhhhh… He has NO idea.  
  
Cassidy: That's one messed-up family you have there Twerp-Boy.  
  
James: I'm not Ash's father!  
  
Cassidy: James, we know. You couldn't be because—  
  
Jesse: You know who really bugs me?  
  
Cassidy: **seriously sarcastic** No. Who?  
  
Jesse: That damn translator person… And that guy who said I was twelve.  
  
James: You're TWELVE??? Jesse, I—  
  
Jesse: NO I'M NOT TWELVE! DO I LOOK TWELVE???  
  
James: Well…  
  
Jesse: JAMES!!!!  
  
Cassidy: Ooh, Jesse and James are going to have a fight…  
  
Jesse: NO WE'RE NOT!!!  
  
Ash: So who IS my dad?  
  
Misty: **sigh** Anyone who thinks he's Ash's dad, raise your hand now.  
  
**Prof. Oak, Flint, Giovanni, Mateo (from the Crystal Onix), Koga, and Captain Ayden raise their hands**  
  
Prof. Oak: Delia?!?!?  
  
Misty: So, which one is it?  
  
Mrs Ketchum: I… don't… know **sweatdrops**  
  
Ash: They're ALL my dads?  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Don't ask me.  
  
Brock: Dad? You think you're… Ash's dad?  
  
Flint: When you get around as much as I do…  
  
Brock: Dad! There's stuff you haven't been telling me…  
  
Flint: You don't know the half of it.  
  
Ash: I'm confused.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: **putting her head in her hands** This is so EMBARASSING.  
  
Captain Ayden: There's got to be some family relation in us all. We all look more like Ash than his mother does.  
  
Koga: I've always wanted a son.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Okay, get out, all of you! I don't want any more old boyfriends hanging around. Especially not ones who run great big criminal gangs.  
  
James: The Boss is the Twerp's father?  
  
Jesse: Uh oh, this doesn't look good…  
  
Cassidy: You two could be in serious trouble now…  
  
Jesse: He can't be. Not by logic…  
  
Cassidy: One word for you: Star Wars.  
  
Jesse: That's two words.  
  
Ash: Mom…  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Uh, yes?  
  
Ash: Well, Mom, how can you not know who my father is?  
  
Misty: He's got a very good point.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: I was very irresponsible.  
  
Misty: I'll say…  
  
Brock: Dad, while you're here, I gotta ask. How on earth can I see with these eyes?  
  
Flint: Actually Brock… I don't know.  
  
Misty: One of the biggest secrets ever… Anyway Brock, what happened with Professor Ivy?  
  
Brock: Um, the thing is… She's… a man.  
  
Misty: Professor Ivy is a MAN? No wonder she looked so fake.  
  
Jesse: Is she –he- a relative of yours, James?  
  
James: Why should she be?  
  
Jesse: The… cross-dressing thing, and all that…  
  
James: Oh, I don't think so.  
  
Butch: What is it with all that cross-dressing, anyway?  
  
James: Well… Have you ever tried it?  
  
Butch: No.  
  
James: Well, it's fun.  
  
Butch: Wearing Jesse's underwear is fun?  
  
James: Hey, who told you that?  
  
Butch: Cassidy.  
  
James: Oh. Who told Cassidy?  
  
Cassidy: Jesse.  
  
James: Who told Jesse?  
  
Jesse: You did.  
  
James: Actually Jess, it was your idea.  
  
Jesse: It was not!  
  
Misty: **sigh** This is getting boring.  
  
Ash: No it isn't!  
  
Misty: Ash, you're so slow you're probably still back at the bit about Ivy being a man.  
  
Ash: I am not that slow!  
  
Misty: Yeah, whatever. Brock, what is that stuff you cook for us? The round white things. They're always the same, but you give them different names.  
  
Brock: Well duh, they're rice b—Doughnuts! They're doughnuts!  
  
James: I could sure go for a doughnut right now.  
  
Jesse: You're always hungry.  
  
James: Maybe if you could cook better—  
  
Jesse: COOK FOR YOURSELF!!!  
  
Misty: Brock, are you all right? You were about to say rice ba—Doughnuts!!! You said doughnuts!  
  
Brock: They're rice b—DOUGHNUTS!!!  
  
Ash: Why can't anyone say rice ba—doughnuts???  
  
Jesse: It's the stupid dubbers. They have some problem with Japanese stuff.  
  
Misty: But we ARE Japanese!  
  
Jesse: I know.  
  
Misty: Is that why they try to hide how James sometimes acts g—Feminine? Stop putting words in my mouth!  
  
Brock: Also how they pretended my mother died when she really did a runner like Dad did.  
  
Flint: You're having a go at me AGAIN???  
  
Brock: Yes.  
  
Misty: That's just stupid!  
  
Jesse: Yes.  
  
Misty: So that's why we have lost ep—Um, that's why we have-we have-oh, they won't let me say it, LOST EPISODES???  
  
Jesse: Because the dubbers are stupid? Yes.  
  
James: The world didn't get to see me in my bikini!!!  
  
Misty: I saw you. I can see WHY they didn't show it.  
  
Butch: They didn't want to make people ill.  
  
Jesse: James, maybe it's just as well no one except the Japanese got to see that.  
  
James: Why?  
  
Jesse: It's crushing to rocketshippers.  
  
James: Hey, I'm allowed to swing either way, aren't I?  
  
Jesse: If you really want to…  
  
James: Good. First then, I'll---  
  
Jesse: James, don't make a fool of yourself anymore today.  
  
Butch: Has anyone got a picture of James in this infamous bikini?  
  
Todd: I have!  
  
  
  
  
  
Butch: That is BAD… No wonder they didn't show it.  
  
Cassidy: Team Rocket is turning into a FREAKSHOW.  
  
Misty: Got anyone else you can show us pictures of, Todd?  
  
Todd: I mainly do James… hey, what are you looking at me like that for? But I do have a few of Misty when she was with Prima and---  
  
Misty: No, that's okay, no one wants to see that.  
  
Brock: Yes we do.  
  
Todd: And… Oh no, they're private ones for Prof. Oak.  
  
Prof. Oak: Oh no…  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Professor?  
  
Prof. Oak: Oh, they're nothing.  
  
Ash: Was that picture of JAMES???  
  
Butch: Don't remind me of that, I think I'm going to be sick.  
  
Ash: Yes, but James is a man, and men don't—  
  
Misty: Ash, one thing. Inflatable.  
  
Todd: Wait, I found some more. Misty in a hot spring, and—  
  
Misty: NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THOSE!!!  
  
Todd: Ash and Brock do.  
  
Brock: Oh come off it Todd, we've seen all that befo—oh.  
  
Misty: Brock?  
  
Brock: I meant, uh, um, well…  
  
Tracey: He didn't mean anything.  
  
Misty: YOU'RE in on this too? Ash and Brock I can just about cope with, but YOU?  
  
Brock and Ash: It was his idea.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Ash has seen…? Oh dear God…  
  
Brock: Relax, Mrs K. You couldn't expect Ash to leave home and not see anything.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Yes, but still…  
  
Prof. Oak: Calm down Delia. He's a boy on his Pokémon journey. There's a girl with him. It wouldn't be normally if he DIDN'T.  
  
Brock: Don't be such a hypocrite Misty.  
  
Misty: Me? I-I, okay, so maybe I…  
  
James: No one wants to see my picture, do they? You can show everyone my pictures Photography-Twerp-Boy!  
  
Butch: No one WANTS to see your pictures.  
  
James: Why not?  
  
Butch: They're HORRIBLE!!!  
  
James: What, my bikini picture? I nearly won a competition with that!  
  
Butch: You came last place, didn't you? The Twerp-Boy's MOTHER won.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Eheheheh, so I won a swimsuit competition…  
  
Misty: When you were on holiday with Prof. Oak.  
  
Prof. Oak: We just HAPPENED to go to the same place at the same time. We didn't plan it.  
  
Misty: Sure.  
  
Cassidy: Remind us exactly what you said when you entered this competition. And what you did.  
  
James: I said—  
  
Butch: No! I don't want to know! I think I can guess, anyway.  
  
James: Botch, make like a tree and leave.  
  
Butch: Ha ha.  
  
Jesse: James, you stole that from the twerps.  
  
James: Yes, I know, but I—  
  
Jesse: And you said it was dumb and asked them if they heard it from Prof. Oak.  
  
Butch: Shows just how stupid he is.  
  
James: I'm not stupid!  
  
Butch: Oh yeah? **puts on a high voice** Don't I make, like, the coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolest girl? Make like a tree and leave! I'm Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaameessssssssssssssssss, from Team Rocket! Santa Claus is a Jynx! Keep that mad woman Jessebelle away from me!!!  
  
James: I do NOT have a voice like that.  
  
Butch: But you've said all that stuff. And worse.  
  
James: At least I don't have a voice like yours.  
  
Butch: What's wrong with my voice?  
  
James: Whenever I listen to it, I wish I were deaf.  
  
Butch: When I looked at your picture, I wished I were blind.  
  
James: You don't appreciate true beauty.  
  
Butch: That wasn't beauty, that was a horror show! My worst nightmare!  
  
James: have a lot of nightmares, do you, Botch?  
  
Jesse: And then Cassidy has to give you a big hug, and then—  
  
Cassidy: Shut UP!  
  
Misty: Ash has a lot of nightmares.  
  
Ash: No, you are my worst nightmare!  
  
Brock: You both have nightmares. All the time.  
  
Ash and Misty: No we don't!  
  
Ash: You the one who's scared of BUGS, Misty.  
  
Misty: I am NOT.  
  
Ash: Oh, so why did you go so mental over a silly little Caterpie? And WHY did you have to jump on my back?  
  
Misty: I wasn't scared; I was just a little surprised.  
  
Ash: Oh, sure.  
  
Tracey: You're such a chicken Misty.  
  
Misty: I am NOT!!!  
  
Brock: You're scared of bugs. In fact, you we're scared of a little bit of grass that you thought was a bug.  
  
Misty: I WAS NOT!!!  
  
Jesse: She's worse than you are, James.  
  
James: Hey!  
  
Tracey: Ash and Misty, you'd really make a cute couple.  
  
Jesse: You're right, Tracey…  
  
Ash: Ewwwwwwwwwww! No WAY!  
  
Misty: Him? He's so immature he—  
  
Jesse: So who ARE you interested in?  
  
Misty: **going red** No one.  
  
James: Really? No one?  
  
Misty: NO! I don't have a crush on ANYONE!!!  
  
Brock: You're a terrible liar Misty.  
  
Misty: I am NOT!!!  
  
Jesse: Liar.  
  
Misty: What do you WANT me to say???  
  
Cassidy: That you have a crush on someone.  
  
Misty: Like who? James?  
  
Butch: Get real. No one could fancy him.  
  
James: Hey! I do!  
  
Brock: James has a crush on himself???  
  
James: Uh, yeah… Don't I make just the cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolest girl?  
  
Jesse: **head in hands** This just gets worse and worse…  
  
Cassidy: Is James embarrassing you or something Jess?  
  
Jesse: No, he has nothing to do with me!!!  
  
Cassidy: Except he's wearing your underwear right now.  
  
Jesse: Yes, except—Hey!  
  
Brock: I don't even want to know this stuff…  
  
Misty: Change the subject, quick.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: That reminds me Ash, have you been remembering to change your underwear every single day???  
  
Misty: No, he hasn't, same as he hasn't washed his clothes since last time he saw you, AND he sleeps in them.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Ash…  
  
Ash: Aw, Mom, it's easier this way.  
  
Jesse: Anyway Misty, who do you have a crush on?  
  
Pokéshippers: Ash! Ash! Ash!  
  
Gymshippers: Brock! Brock! Brock!  
  
B*tchshippers: Jesse! Jesse! Jesse!  
  
Orangeshippers: Tracey! Tracey! Tracey!  
  
Egoshippers: Gary! Gary! Gary!  
  
Opressionshippers: James! James! James!  
  
Sarah: Oh, get lost, all of you.  
  
Jesse: So?  
  
Misty: None of them and no one else! Get it into your thick skulls! I DON'T have a crush on anyone!  
  
Jesse: Ha. Okay. Let's bug Ash instead.  
  
Ash: I don't have a crush on anyone either!!!  
  
Pokéshippers: Misty! Misty!  
  
Bouldershippers: Brock! Brock!  
  
Palletshippers: Gary! Gary!  
  
Sarah: I told you already! OUT!  
  
Jesse: And so, Ash, who is it?  
  
Ash: Err…  
  
Jesse: I'll make this easy for you. Is it a) Misty, b) Brock, c) Gary, or d) Pikachu?  
  
Ash: Err… Phone a friend?  
  
Jesse: You don't have any friends to phone. They're all here. But okay then… Who do you want to phone?  
  
Ash: I'll ring… Misty.  
  
Jesse: Blah blah, you've heard the question; just give him a damn answer.  
  
Misty: It's d, Ash. Go for d.  
  
Ash: D? Okay, if you say so.  
  
Jesse: So, are you going with Misty's answer?  
  
Ash: No… Can I use 50:50?  
  
Jesse: **sigh** Fine. The remaining answers are a) Misty, and d) Pikachu.  
  
Ash: Well, I think I know the answer. But I'm not certain. So can I use ask the audience?  
  
Jesse: If you insist. Everyone vote now.  
  
…  
  
Jesse: The results are… a) 50%, and d) 50%. Only two members of the audience voted…  
  
Misty: I didn't vote for me!  
  
Pikachu: Pika!  
  
Brock: Pikachu said he didn't vote for himself either; he's not that stupid, so we all now know who voted for who.  
  
James: He said all that in one "pika"?  
  
Brock: Yes.  
  
Jesse: Okay. So Ash, you used up all your lifelines. Which is it going to be? A) Misty, or d) Pikachu?  
  
Ash: Um… I don't know. Can I take the money and run?  
  
Jesse: There's no money involved.  
  
Misty: Yes there is. Brock and me have a bet on this.  
  
Jesse: How much for?  
  
Misty: Um… one squashed Aero.  
  
Jesse: Well, in that case, I'm afraid we need an answer.  
  
Ash: Err… D!  
  
Jesse: Is that your final answer?  
  
Ash: Yes! I mean, no. No, I mean yes.  
  
Jesse: Good. We'll see who gets the squashed chocolate after the break.  
  
Brock: Buy Brock's own Pokéfood NOW, at your nearest supermarket! With no artificial ingredients!  
  
Jesse: Welcome back. Now, Ash's answer was d), Pikachu.  
  
Pikashippers: Yay!!!  
  
Pokéshippers: Nooooooooooooooooooo…  
  
Sarah: Get OUT!!!  
  
Misty: Yesssssssssssssssss!!!  
  
Ash: What's going on? What's the cheering about?  
  
Brock: Ash, you just said you have a crush on Pikachu.  
  
Ash: On PIKACHU??? No WAY!!! He's my friend, but he's a POKÉMON!!!  
  
Jesse: **sigh** I hope I never become a real game show host. They always dress badly.  
  
Brock: What are you cheering about? You just lost James's chocolate!  
  
James: MY chocolate? WE'RE the thieves round here!  
  
Tracey: Misty betted Ash would choose HER???  
  
Misty: Ash didn't know what he was saying! It could have gone either way!  
  
Butch: Yeah, just like James's s—  
  
James: WHAT are you saying about me, Botch?  
  
Cassidy: And our next contestant is James Morgan!  
  
James: What?  
  
Cassidy: You first question is, who does James like? Is it a) women, b) men, c) both, or d) neither?  
  
Butch: Men! He likes men!  
  
Jesse: You sound very hopeful, Butch…  
  
Butch: I do NOT!!!  
  
Cassidy: No fighting! This is not Jerry Springer!  
  
Brock: Yes it is! Well, actually it's my show, but the "Brock Harrison Show" isn't as catchy.  
  
Cassidy: Hey, you stole my show!  
  
Brock: Get over it. Okay. Today's show is about secret relationships. We have Delia Ketchum and Professor Samuel Oak, who aren't sure how to tell Delia's son Ash about their relationship. Just quickly, I will mention that Samuel may or may not be Ash's father, we don't know, as Delia doesn't know.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: We started going out soon after Ash left on his Pokémon journey. We were both lonely…  
  
Brock: Does the age difference matter to you?  
  
Prof. Oak: No, it doesn't matter that I'm sixty and Delia's only just thirty.  
  
Audience: **make "whoooooh" sort of noises**  
  
Brock: Okay, now, backstage, listening to everything we've said is Ash himself.  
  
Ash: What on earth are you on about Brock?  
  
Brock: I really don't know that it matters anymore.  
  
…  
  
Well, what are you waiting for? Fight you idiots! Kill each other! Swear!  
  
Misty: Brock, I [bleep] and [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]  
  
Mrs Ketchum: She didn't swear!  
  
Brock: Yes, but that way it sounds like she did.  
  
Misty: I want my own show! About… Mrs Ketchum and Professor Oak's worst excuses!  
  
Mrs Ketchum: We just happened to go on holiday at the same time to the same place.  
  
Prof. Oak: My shirt fell off.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: I just fell over and then it—  
  
Misty: It would be best if you kept it reasonably clean, Mrs K.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: I—  
  
Misty: Remember your son is watching this.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Okay. He came round to borrow a cookbook.  
  
Prof. Oak: She got lost on the way home late at night and found her way to my house instead.  
  
Misty: Those are BAD.  
  
Tracey: The sad thing is, they really use those excuses!  
  
Misty: No wonder the only person who hasn't realised what's going on is Ash.  
  
Ash: What haven't I realised?  
  
Misty: Ho boy…  
  
Brock: Shall I tell him?  
  
Misty: No, don't bother. They might as well get as much use as they can out of those excuses. They'll work on Ash.  
  
Cassidy: James never answered my question!  
  
Jesse: For goodness sake Cass, we all know he likes both.  
  
Butch: I knew it.  
  
Ash: What???  
  
Misty: James likes men and women.  
  
Ash: WHAT???  
  
Misty: Oh, forget it.  
  
Ash: No, what?  
  
Misty: FORGET IT!!!  
  
Ash: Forget WHAT???  
  
Misty: That thing you never got in the first damn place!  
  
Ash: How can I forget it if I never knew it in the first place???  
  
Misty: **sigh**  
  
Jesse: So, anyway, as we all KNOW Ash is stupid…  
  
James: Err…  
  
Brock: Anyone wanna play Truth Or Dare?  
  
Misty: Sure, whatever.  
  
Ash: How do you play that???  
  
Misty: Sit here, and stop interrupting. That's how YOU play.  
  
Cassidy: Who's going first?  
  
Jesse: You are.  
  
Cassidy: Why me???  
  
Jesse: Well, you asked.  
  
Cassidy: Fine, fine.  
  
Brock: Okay. Truth or dare?  
  
Cassidy: Ummm… Truth.  
  
Brock: Um… Okay, have you ever had a crush on… James???  
  
Cassidy: JAMES??? Um… **going red** Maybe.  
  
Jesse: Cassidy, you are even sadder than I thought.  
  
Cassidy: Why? He's YOUR partner!  
  
Jesse: Exactly.  
  
Brock: Ladies, please stop arguing. Uhh… Who next???  
  
Cassidy: You. Truth or dare?  
  
Brock: Um… dare.  
  
Cassidy: Okay, go away, I want to discuss this with your "friends".  
  
Brock: **muttering** Oh GREAT, what's Misty going to cook up for me now? They are just so…  
  
Cassidy: Oh, Bro-ock! We got a really good one for you. You can't complain, you WANTED to play the stupid game.  
  
Brock: Fine. What have I got to do?  
  
Cassidy: Well… Kiss Misty!!!  
  
Brock: Misty??? Oh… okay. **Gives Misty the quickest kiss on the cheek ever**  
  
Cassidy: Jesse, do you think that should count? It was very quick…  
  
Jesse: Yes it should count!  
  
Cassidy: Don't be so immature. You're only saying that to disagree with me.  
  
Jesse: You're the one playing childish games!!!  
  
Cassidy: It was Brock's idea!  
  
Jesse: Brock this, Brock that… You're getting a crush on one of the twerps!  
  
Cassidy: I am not!  
  
Misty: Shut UP, both of you.  
  
Jesse: What's it to you?  
  
Misty: Just shut up!!!  
  
Cassidy: Oh, I get it. She doesn't like sharing Brock.  
  
Misty: Don't be STUPID!  
  
Jesse: Looks a bit embarrassed, doesn't she?  
  
Cassidy: Absolutely. Misty fancies Brock! Misty fancies Bro-ock!  
  
Misty: I DO NOT!!! I thought you too hated each other, anyway?  
  
Jesse: We DO!!!  
  
Misty: Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.  
  
Ash: I finally figured it out!  
  
Tracey: Figured what out?  
  
Ash: This maths thing I was working out… Two plus two!  
  
Misty: You've been working that out for half an hour?  
  
Ash: Over an hour actually.  
  
Misty: So amaze us with your brainpower. What is it?  
  
Ash: Five!  
  
Everyone except Ash: **falls over animé style**  
  
Ash: Okay, so it's not five. It must be… six!!!  
  
Everyone except Ash: **falls over again**  
  
Brock: He never went to school, did he.  
  
Gary: **sarcastically** What makes you say that???  
  
Misty: You can't talk Gary; you haven't ever been to school either.  
  
James: Actually, as far as I know, Jesse and me are the only ones who have been to school.  
  
Misty: And you failed your exams miserably… Worst in the history of the school, I seem to remember, and you got kicked out, at which point you joined a bicycle gang.  
  
James: Yes…  
  
Misty: A really stupid bicycle gang.  
  
James: Hey!  
  
Jesse: It wasn't stupid!  
  
Cassidy: Jesse, Jesse… It was.  
  
James: At least I was in a bicycle gang, Botch!  
  
Botch… Uh, Butch: HOW MANY TIMES! MY NAME AIN'T BOTCH!  
  
James: It isn't?  
  
Cassidy: No, how could THAT be a name?  
  
Brock: We had that conversation already.  
  
James: Oh… yeah.  
  
Butch: Tell him to stop calling me Botch!  
  
James: But Botch, the name suits you.  
  
Ash: I don't get it. What's so funny about botch???  
  
Misty: **sigh** If you don't know, then I'm not going to tell you.  
  
Tracey: If you don't mind me saying, that's pretty stupid logic.  
  
Misty: I do mind you saying. Especially from a guy who's in love with Prof. Oak!  
  
Tracey: I am not in love with Prof. Oak! At least I'm not in love with Prima…  
  
Misty: Prima? What the hell do you think that for???  
  
Tracey: Oh, I have reasons.  
  
Misty: Oh, even TRACEY is getting one up over me…  
  
Tracey: I don't get it. Why does no one like me???  
  
Brock: Do you want it in a list?  
  
Misty: One, you wear a STUPID headband thing.  
  
Jesse: Two, you have no personality.  
  
James: Three, you're not as cute as Br—  
  
Brock: Shut up James. Four, you replaced me.  
  
Ash: Uhh… Six?  
  
Everyone except Ash: FIVE!!!  
  
Ash: Okay then, five, you're fat.  
  
Tracey: Hey! That's not fair!  
  
Sarah: Can I just point out he was designed that way? As if even his designers didn't like him.  
  
Butch: Your voice is more annoying than James's.  
  
Jesse: Those clothes are AWFUL.  
  
Misty: What is with that hairstyle? It's terrible!  
  
Cassidy: You have a GIRLS' name.  
  
Tracey: Hmph. No one likes me.  
  
Tracey supporter(s): We like you!  
  
Sarah: Oh get out, you freaks.  
  
Tracey: They like me???  
  
Brock: No.  
  
Tracey: Well, they just said—  
  
Misty: Shut up and go back to sketching girls.  
  
Tracey: I… uh… I sketch Pokémon!  
  
Brock: Sure you do.  
  
Misty: Just like Todd takes photos of Pokémon.  
  
Todd: Hey, don't pick on me!  
  
Misty: Oh come, on, you showed us that picture of James.  
  
Todd: That was a one off. And I… **mumbles something too quiet to hear**  
  
Misty: Oh yeah, what did you say? I didn't hear you.  
  
Todd: I said… I said I thought he was a woman…  
  
Misty: Ho, boy…  
  
James: Wow! Someone though I—  
  
Jesse: Oh, please. Don't embarrass yourself further.  
  
James: I'm embarrassing myself?  
  
Jesse: Fine then. Stop embarrassing me.  
  
James: I'm not embara—  
  
Jesse: SHUT UP JAMES!!!  
  
James: I'm sorry Jesse. I'll never do it again, I promise.  
  
Misty: She really has that man under control.  
  
Brock: Obviously you don't think you can control us.  
  
Ash: She couldn't control me.  
  
Misty: **grabbing her mallet from… You don't want to know** SHUT UP YOU MORONS!!!  
  
Brock: I'm sorry.  
  
Ash: We'll do whatever you say…  
  
Brock: As I'm a litter older and more mature than Ash, I think I'll change that to ALMOST anything.  
  
Ash: Why?  
  
Brock: One of Ash's "dads", please could you have a little talk with Ash about… stuff.  
  
Ash: Stuff???  
  
Brock: Dad… I think you should… explain.  
  
Flint: Uh… Leave that to Prof. Oak.  
  
Prof. Oak: Me? No… Leave that to Giovanni, he's Ash's dad… probably.  
  
Giovanni: That's not the sort of job I want.  
  
Koga: Don't ask me.  
  
Captain Ayden: Or me. I'm… not very good at that sort of stuff.  
  
Mateo: I'm certainly not going through all that…  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Don't look at me; this is a job for his father.  
  
Everyone except Brock: **looks at Brock**  
  
Brock: What? Why me? I'm not his dad!  
  
Misty: You're the breeder, Brock.  
  
Brock: **going red** I'm not really specialised in human breeding… I already got in a bit mess with Prof. Ivy saying I was breeder…  
  
Misty: **raising an eyebrow** Ah, so that's where she got that idea.  
  
Prof. Oak: She? What do you mean, she?  
  
Misty: Professor Ivy is a woman… at the moment.  
  
Prof. Oak: Another James?  
  
Misty: Exactly.  
  
James: I saw her! I'm not as ugly as her!  
  
Brock: Or sick-minded.  
  
Ash: Another James? Wa? A woman at the moment?  
  
Brock: So, one of you, I really think you better…  
  
Misty: You're being such babies, I—  
  
Everyone except Misty: You can tell him!  
  
Misty: Me? Why me?  
  
Brock: **muttering** Or just show him.  
  
Misty: WHAT was that, Brock?  
  
Brock: Oh, err, nothing.  
  
Ash: Tell me WHAT?  
  
Brock: Nothing.  
  
Ash: Didn't sound like nothing.  
  
Brock: He gets a brain cell the one time we didn't want him to.  
  
Misty: Well, Ash…  
  
Jesse: This could be interesting.  
  
Cassidy: Why, think you might learn something?  
  
Jesse: No, but I think this could be a time for Butch to learn some stuff…  
  
Misty: Now, Ash, you see… Oh guys, help me.  
  
Ash: Why can't you just TELL me?  
  
Misty: **sigh** never mind. It's too adult for you. Wait, Todd, have you got any photos to help me? Or some drawings, Tracey?  
  
Tracey: I don't draw things like… All right I do, but they're not suitable for Ash to see.  
  
Todd: Same here.  
  
Misty: We'll leave Ash's little human biology lesson for another day then.  
  
Ash: I'm confused. My head hurts.  
  
Misty: Great. It's like having two Psyducks. Except one can talk.  
  
Ash: You're comparing me to Psyduck?  
  
Misty: Nah, you're too stupid to compare with Psyduck.  
  
Psyduck: Psy yii yii duck-duck-duck!  
  
Misty: I stand corrected.  
  
Brock: Sometimes Misty, I think you're too mean to Ash. Then I think about it, and realise you're right.  
  
Ash: Hey!  
  
Cassidy: Don't insult him! He's put us in jail three times, how stupid do you think that makes US?  
  
Butch: Yeah.  
  
Jesse: It's called Twerp's Dumb Luck Syndrome, TDLS. He always beats us because we're the bad guys and he has TDLS.  
  
Gary: Yeah, Ash has TDLS, whereas I have skill.  
  
Misty: Well, I wouldn't say that. Even as a rival, you're entitled to your own amount of TDLS.  
  
Gary: Heyyyy…  
  
Misty: Gary, take it from me, you have TDLS. But also BHLS.  
  
Gary: BHLS???  
  
Misty: Big-headed loser syndrome.  
  
Gary: Heyyyy…  
  
Misty: It's true. It's what caused your appallingly bad loss at the Indigo League.  
  
Gary: Hey, it wasn't that bad!!!  
  
Misty: Come off it Gareth Oak, you were worse than ASH, and that's saying something.  
  
Gary: My name's Gary.  
  
Misty: Short for Gareth Oak.  
  
Gary: You don't have to rub it in.  
  
Tracey: Are you just going to stand around all day discussing TDLS???  
  
Officer Jenny: I've come to arrest… arrest… someone. I don't care who; I just need to arrest someone.  
  
Ash: Take Team Rocket, they're the criminals.  
  
Jesse: Maybe, but we have the right to a fair trial.  
  
Officer Jenny: No you don't actually. Uh… we don't know how to hold a trial.  
  
Ash: Officer Jennies aren't quite… They aren't very good policewomen, are they?  
  
Jesse: They have you helping them most of the time; of course they're not.  
  
Misty: For goodness sake, just take Tracey.  
  
Tracey: Me? But I haven't—  
  
Misty: Spying charges. Watching people so you can sketch them is most likely illegal.  
  
Officer Jenny: Yes. Come with me.  
  
Tracey **as he is dragged off** Can I sketch a picture of you, Jenny?  
  
Misty: Yessssssssssss! We got rid of him!  
  
Tracey: I'll get revenge on you!  
  
Brock: Ha, what can he do from inside jail?  
  
Misty: Nothing. Now we can forget he ever existed.  
  
Brock: Hey Jesse, what's your favourite film?  
  
Jesse: Titanic.  
  
Misty: This is too… civilised for my liking. Anyone want to do knife throwing? Sumo-wrestling?  
  
Brock: Our only sumo-wrestler got arrested. My favourite film is… um… I'm not sure.  
  
Misty: Um, hello? Violence?  
  
Brock: Do you always have to be violent?  
  
Misty: Yes. Do you have to chat up Jesse?  
  
Brock: I wasn't!  
  
Misty: Yes you were!  
  
Brock: I was trying to make civilised conversation.  
  
Misty: Do you always have to be civilised?  
  
Brock: Well, no one else was saying anything. And besides, I was forgetting Tracey ever existed.  
  
Misty: Oh, that's fair enough then.  
  
**Long Pause**  
  
Brock: If no one's going to say anything I'm going to watch TV. **Pulls a wide screen TV out of his bag**  
  
Misty: What you going to watch?  
  
Brock: Uh… I could watch snooker, or news, or some weird soap opera, or… **channel hopping** adverts. Get a loan, sue someone for an accident, they don't understand 'accident' do they?, a tissue in the laundry? **incredibly fake** How did you know that was my absolute worst nightmare?  
  
Ash: Brock, you never do any laundry.  
  
Misty: Ash, he was being sarcastic.  
  
Ash: He was? Oh.  
  
Misty: You don't understand sarcasm, do you?  
  
Ash: Well, uh, no, not really.  
  
Misty: Oh, that's just great.  
  
Ash: Is it?  
  
Misty: **sigh**  
  
Brock: So, if anyone has absolutely anything to say, please say it now.  
  
**silence**  
  
A random Pokéshipper: This is the bit where Misty confesses her love to Ash and—  
  
Sarah: No! What is it with you shipper freaks? Get out!  
  
Pokéshipper: Well, you must believe in one shipping.  
  
Sarah: This is a story about the characters of Pokémon, not about me. But okay. This is what I believe… Misty has a crush on Ash that fades as the series goes on. Misty gains a crush on Brock as the series goes on, seeing Brock as a slightly better guy than Ash, as Brock (probably) has at least one brain cell. Ash doesn't know what a crush is. Brock either seriously is obsessed with Jenny and Joy and all the others, or he's… covering up something. I think rocketshipping is real, but Jesse doesn't know how to show her feelings to people and James just has strange fantasies (probably involving Brock) sometimes. Neorocketshipping… it just seems to fit, although I don't know that much about Butch and Cassidy. So what it comes down to is a threesome with Ash, Misty, and Brock; Jesse and James like each other but James… is James, I suppose; Butch and Cassidy are most likely, they spend a lot of time alone together, in jail for instance, and Tracey is only fit to love Magikarp.  
  
Ash: You're right, I don't know what a crush is…  
  
Misty: Hey, a threesome?  
  
James: And how do you know about my… daydreams?  
  
Brock: And just what would I be covering up?  
  
Pokéshipper: So you're a pokéshipper?  
  
Sarah: No.  
  
Cassidy: You're making assumptions that just because there's rocketshipping then there must be neorocketshipping?  
  
Sarah: No. Now shut up all of you, that's just what I think. Anyway, I believe in Adultshipping too (Mrs K and Prof. Oak), and I DON'T support but I think Brocketshipping (James version) is very funny. And possible.  
  
James: How did you know about my daydreams? I didn't even tell Jesse!!!  
  
Jesse: Like it isn't obvious.  
  
James: What do you mean?  
  
Jesse: James….  
  
James: I'm sorry Jesse. Just don't hit me with that mallet again.  
  
Jesse: If I wanted to be really mean I could invite Jessebelle to come and see you…  
  
James: No! No! Please don't…  
  
Butch: Oh, go on. This could be funny.  
  
Cassidy: Absolutely hilarious.  
  
Jessebelle: James, James, where are you?  
  
James: Hide me!!! Get her away from me!  
  
Jessebelle: James…  
  
James: No, no, stay away from me, keep that whip away from me, keep your Pokémon away from me, and just stay away from me!!!  
  
Jessebelle: Oh, but James—  
  
James: No, not that whip! Oh Jesse, help me…  
  
Jessebelle: You're not whining properly!  
  
Jesse: You know, that whip does seem a little bit… well, I don't know how that one got past the dubbers.  
  
Misty: Not to mention those noises.  
  
Jesse: It's funny though.  
  
James: It's not funny; just keep her AWAY FROM ME!!!  
  
Jessebelle: Oh, but James, don't you want to marry me?  
  
James: No! Funnily enough, I don't!!!  
  
Jessebelle: Oh, but James…  
  
James: Helllllllllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppppp!!!  
  
Jessebelle: James, you're not yelling properly!  
  
Jesse: **whispers something to James**  
  
James: Great idea! **runs out**  
  
Jessebelle: James? James, my darling, where are you going?  
  
James: Hi again everyone.  
  
Jessebelle: James, what are you doing wearing makeup and a dress?  
  
James: Didn't I tell you? I wear this every night and during the day a lot too.  
  
Jessebelle: What? Nooooooooooooooooo!!!  
  
James: If I married you Jessebelle, I could borrow your clothes!  
  
Jessebelle: Well, uh… **runs**  
  
Cassidy: That's it! This is boring! We're going to steal your Pokémon!  
  
James: **sneaks off to change back to his usual clothes, which takes about two seconds, and then comes back**  
  
Jesse: Not if we steal them first!  
  
Ash: No one's stealing my Pokémon! Pikachu, go!  
  
Pikachu: **lazily** Pika.  
  
Ash: Pikachu!!! You can't quit now! Team Rocket will steal you!!!  
  
Misty: Ash, sit on your lazy arse and wait. Whatever happens Team Rocket won't get Pikachu. You know full well they won't. It's not as if you could ever be scared of those morons.  
  
Ash: But, Misty…  
  
Misty: Pikachu will be fine.  
  
Ash: But Misty—  
  
Misty: Ash! Shut up!  
  
Ash: But Misty, Cassidy and that green-haired-guy-with-a-bad-voice, uhh, Botch? just ran off with Pikachu.  
  
Misty: Good.  
  
Ash: Good???  
  
Misty: He was a bad influence on Togepi.  
  
Ash: Togepi tried to kill Pikachu! Over and over again!  
  
Misty: Exactly.  
  
Ash: But Togepi is evil!  
  
Togepi: Toge brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! **blows the room up**  
  
Misty: Oh, Togepi, are you hurt?  
  
Brock: Misty it tried to kill us all!  
  
Misty: It didn't mean it.  
  
Brock: It did, it's EVIL!!! Get rid of it! **grabs Togepi and sends it flying up into the air**  
  
Misty: Togepiiiiiiii!!!!  
  
Brock: It's all right. Team Rocket blast off lots of times and they're fine.  
  
Misty: But Togepi is an EGG!  
  
Brock: I'll get you a new baby to look after. One that isn't trying to kill us. But for now I think we should find out where we are.  
  
Ash: What happened?  
  
Jesse: We blasted off. Trust me, we're used to it.  
  
Ash: But WE can't blast off, we—I'll sue that egg… if it survived.  
  
Jesse: In that case I think you ought to go and find some money because we can sue you for all the times you've blasted us off.  
  
Cassidy: **running up from behind everyone else** We—hey, how did you get here?  
  
Misty: And now…  
  
Butch: **running into Cassidy** Ow! **throws Pikachu in the air and he lands in Ash's arms.**  
  
Misty: Told you.  
  
Pikachu: Pika. **Translation: "this happens every episode, and I'm flippin' fed up of it, why can't Ash take better care of me?"**  
  
Ash: What's that Pikachu? You're happy to be back with me? I'm happy to have you back, buddy!  
  
Sarah: Can I just do a register? I don't know who's here and I can't write if I don't know who is where. Ash?  
  
Ash: Here, Ms Writer-Person.  
  
Sarah: Hmph. Jesse?  
  
Jesse: Yeah.  
  
Sarah: Misty? James?  
  
Misty: Yes.  
  
James: Think so.  
  
Sarah: Ah heck, this takes too long. Uhh… currently we have: Ash, Jesse, Misty, James, Brock, Cassidy, Butch, Gary, Mrs Ketchum, Prof. Oak, Flint, Giovanni, Mateo, Koga, Captain Ayden, Todd, Pikachu, Psyduck, a Pokéshipper, and… that's it.  
  
Misty: Pokéshipper? Go home, freak!  
  
Sarah: Yeah. Go! **kicks him out**  
  
Brock: So where are we?  
  
Misty: Beats me. Don't you have a map?  
  
Brock: Well, I did, but… **sweatdrops**  
  
Jesse: But… come on, we have to know where we are!  
  
Brock: I traded it.  
  
Ash: What did you trade it for?  
  
Brock: I traded it for…  
  
James: Yesss…  
  
Brock: Tracey's hentai.  
  
Everyone: **falls over animé-style**  
  
Cassidy: So Tracey has the map.  
  
Brock: No. He traded it for…  
  
Prof. Oak: What? What?  
  
Brock: I'm not sure… I was slightly drunk at the time, but I think… I know! He traded it with Misty for her Harry Potter collection!  
  
Misty: Uhh… That's true, but…  
  
James: What?  
  
Misty: Well, I remembered I hadn't quite finished reading it. So I had to go and find someone who had the last book. And… this guy was standing in the shadows, in a red suit, he had a Persian… he wanted to get rid of the evidence that he'd been reading Harry Potter, but he needed a map, so it worked out fine.  
  
Giovanni: Yes, I had the map. But then I traded it for…  
  
Ash: Whhhaatt??? What did you trade it for???  
  
Giovanni: A Babysitters Club book.  
  
Jesse: The Boss reads some weird stuff.  
  
Misty: So who did you trade it with?  
  
Giovanni: Ash.  
  
Brock: Ash, do you have that map?  
  
Ash: Well… uh… yes.  
  
Everyone: **falls over animé-style**  
  
Brock: Well, give it here then.  
  
Ash: What, for free? Just because I can't read maps!!!  
  
Brock: Fine. What do you want to trade it for?  
  
Ash: I want my book back.  
  
Misty: Ash, you can't read.  
  
Ash: No, I just liked the picture on the front.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Giovanni dear, please give my son his book back.  
  
Giovanni: I'll trade it, but I'm not giving it back.  
  
Brock: Trade with me.  
  
Giovanni: What would you trade it for?  
  
Brock: Four of Tracey's sketches and a few of Todd's photos.  
  
Giovanni: Make it five.  
  
Brock: Done! Now, Ash, you can have your book back if I can have that map…  
  
Ash: He hasn't dented the cover has he?  
  
Brock: Not… much.  
  
Ash: Well… throw in another book and I'll give you the map.  
  
Brock: I don't have any Babysitter Club books! Except this one…  
  
Misty: I've got some… don't look at me like that! I used to read them! They're… at home. I'll ring Daisy and ask her to send it to us.  
  
Brock: We don't know where we are.  
  
Jesse: Well… I have one… or two…  
  
Ash: Well, I don't want any old one. I only want ones that have pictures of the blonde ones on the front.  
  
Jesse: God, you're fussy. I have… these ones. Brock, I'll trade them with you…  
  
Brock: What for?  
  
Jesse: One of your Pokémon?  
  
Brock: I'm not trading a book for one of my Pokémon!  
  
Jesse: I have the entire set… even the specials and the mysteries and the most recent ones.  
  
Brock: That's tempting.  
  
Jesse: Well, I'll trade the whole set for Onix.  
  
Giovanni: I want those books!  
  
Jesse: I'll give them to you if you forgive us for screwing up so often.  
  
Giovanni: Done!  
  
Brock: What about me?  
  
Giovanni: I'll trade my doubles for a Pokémon.  
  
Brock: Well, I do like Onix… but I'm the only one who can read maps. Okay!  
  
Giovanni: I have the whole set! I have them all! I'm so great! Whoo!  
  
Cassidy: The Boss has gone NUTS.  
  
Giovanni: Hey, do you want to get fired?  
  
Cassidy: Sorry Boss.  
  
Brock: So, Ash, all these books for that tatty old map…  
  
Ash: Great!!!  
  
Brock: Ash… did you spill anything on this map?  
  
Ash: Just the coffee I stole—borrowed from your bag.  
  
Brock: Well I can't read it now!!!  
  
Ash: Oh.  
  
Misty: So what you're saying after all that is that we don't actually have a map?  
  
Brock: No. We have a map; just it's covered in coffee.  
  
Misty: Ohhhhhh…  
  
Mrs Ketchum: It's all right. I have a map right here!  
  
Brock: You didn't think to mention it? Give it here then.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: For free? No way. But I'll trade it…  
  
Brock: No more trading! But I'll gamble for it… Anyone got a pack of cards?  
  
Giovanni: I'll trade them.  
  
Brock: No!!!  
  
Nurse Joy: **appearing out of nowhere** What on earth are all of you doing in the forest? There are dangerous Pokémon here, you know.  
  
James: D-d-dan-dangerous?  
  
Nurse Joy: You better come inside the Pokémon Centre right away.  
  
Misty: What Pokémon Centre?  
  
Nurse Joy: The one just past those trees.  
  
Brock: And no one told us that?  
  
Nurse Joy: Well, you can see it from here.  
  
Jesse: Where's Meowth?  
  
Meowth: I was off drinkin' wit' some old friends.  
  
Jesse: Oh, hi Meowth.  
  
James: It's a charging Nidoking!!!  
  
Everyone: (Ash, Jesse, Misty, James, Brock, Cassidy, Butch, Gary, Mrs Ketchum, Professor Oak, Flint, Giovanni, Mateo, Koga, Captain Ayden, Todd, Pikachu, Psyduck, Meowth, and Nurse Joy, if you're interested) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! **run**  
  
Ash: **in the Poké-Centre** Where's Misty? And Brock?  
  
Jesse: Your friends have disappeared, Twerp???  
  
Ash: I think so. Misty? Brock?  
  
Cassidy: They're not here. I think I saw them run off in the other direction.  
  
Ash: I hope they're all right.  
  
Jesse: They'll be fine. Probably better than fine.  
  
Ash: Why?  
  
Butch: They'll be fine… and if they get cold they can snuggle up together.  
  
Jesse: So true… Ash might be missing out on something, stuck in the warm with all of us.  
  
Ash: What do you mean?  
  
Prof. Oak: You'll understand when you're older.  
  
Jesse: Somehow I doubt he'll ever get it.  
  
Cassidy: Someone PLEASE explain to him.  
  
Flint: Brock can tell him!  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Yes, as soon as he gets back, he can tell Ash all about it.  
  
Todd: Fifteen minutes.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: What?  
  
Todd: They'll be back in fifteen minutes.  
  
Jesse: Twelve.  
  
Todd: Twelve?  
  
Jesse: Yeah, fifteen minutes is too long.  
  
Todd: Sounds like you've had some experience.  
  
Jesse: **shrugs** Maybe.  
  
Psyduck: Psy yii yii! Duck-duck-psy! **translation: "where is that evil orange-haired freak who constantly abuses and threatens me whom I have tried to escape from but keeps taking me back despite saying she hates me?"**  
  
Ash: What's that Psyduck? You miss Misty???  
  
Psyduck: Psy!!! **translation: "No! I'm glad she's gone! Train me so I can evolve and swim away!"**  
  
Ash: I miss her too. Don't worry Psyduck; she'll be back soon. So long as she didn't get eaten by Nidoking.  
  
Jesse: She's only been gone a few minutes and you miss her.  
  
Ash: So? She could have got eaten. And so could Brock.  
  
Jesse: They haven't got eaten yet. Why should they get eaten now???  
  
Flint: I'm not worried and that's my son out there.  
  
Ash: You have some more sons.  
  
Flint: That isn't the point! And just because I ran off and left them once…  
  
Jesse: So what are we going to? Sit around and wait for the Twerps to come back?  
  
Butch: What else is there to do?  
  
Mondo: Hi guys!  
  
Jesse: Mondo, it would be much easier for us all if you could turn up WHEN we need help like you're paid to do than to turn up AFTER we're all safe again.  
  
Mondo: Sorry about that. I was looking for my Pokémon cards. Anyone want to trade?  
  
James: We've had more than enough trading today.  
  
Ash: I will! **goes off into a corner to trade cards with Mondo, aka a member of Team Rocket *gasp! A Twerp and a Rocket doing a friendly trade! (Have to be careful what you say or next thing you know you get labelled as a Satondo/Montochi* **  
  
Prof. Oak: After all that, he still wants to trade?  
  
Ash: Hey! No fair!  
  
Mondo: Of course it's fair! Two of these for that… it's a perfectly fair trade!  
  
Sarah: Like I said, a friendly trade.  
  
Jesse: Will you two SHUT UP?  
  
Mondo: Sorry Jess.  
  
Misty: **running in with Brock** Hi guys! We uh, got lost.  
  
Brock: Yeah, totally lost. In the woods. Then uh… we both messed up our hair because we… we… ran into trees.  
  
Jesse: I won't even ask what you've been doing.  
  
Misty: Suit yourself. Hey Ash, how are you? Did you miss us?  
  
Jesse: Did he?!?!? He was moping about you being gone but then he had a chat with Psyduck and then he and Mondo went to trade Pokémon cards.  
  
Ash: No way am I trading that! I've got four of those!  
  
Mondo: I've got six! How about a Digimon card then?  
  
Ash: Digimon cards? Yeah, okay.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Oh, no… he already cost me a fortune in those Pokémon cards, without starting on Digimon ones as well.  
  
James: Jesse, I'm bored. Can I borrow your clothes?  
  
Jesse: No.  
  
James: Your makeup then?  
  
Jesse: No!  
  
James: Oh, pllleeeeeaaasee.  
  
Jesse: No!!! You always mess it all up.  
  
James: No I don't…  
  
Cassidy: Buy him some of his own for Christmas.  
  
Jesse: I would if I could be bothered to buy his a present. And if he didn't want to wear it in public.  
  
James: It must be lunchtime by now…  
  
Ash: Lunch? **jumps up and chucks cards in all directions** Come on Mondo, lets go get the food!  
  
Nurse Joy: I'm afraid we're out of all food except the 100% artificial PokéChow for Oddishes!  
  
Ash: I don't care what it is as long as it's edible!  
  
James: I agree! Give it!  
  
Nurse Joy: It's six months out of date.  
  
Mondo: We don't care!  
  
Nurse Joy: There's three pellets left.  
  
Ash: That's good enough! **stuffs all three pellets into his mouth**  
  
James: How's it taste?  
  
Ash: Mmm, pretty good actually. Except I've eaten it all.  
  
James: You mean there's not even 100%-artificial-out-of-date-Oddish-food anymore???  
  
Mondo: Ash you PIG!!!  
  
Ash: **wiping a crumb off his chin** What?  
  
Brock: There really isn't anything???  
  
Nurse Joy: Chansey and Blissey ate it all. They didn't even save any for the sick Pokémon or me. Then they ran away some place.  
  
Misty: **winking at Brock** Can't think why…  
  
Brock: No, why would two Pokémon want to run off into the forest together?  
  
Misty and Brock: **burst out laughing**  
  
Ash: What's so funny?  
  
Misty: Nothing Ash, nothing.  
  
Brock: You'll understand when you're older.  
  
Ash: Why does everyone keep saying that?  
  
Prof. Oak: Hey… Mondo… Maybe you would like to have a "little chat" with Ash.  
  
Mondo: What, about…? Ohhhh. No. Don't even ask me.  
  
Gary: This is so boring… None of you are good enough trainers to battle me, anyway.  
  
Ash: I could so beat you! What happened to your car and your cheerleaders, anyway?  
  
Gary: They asked for more pay, and I said no, so they took my car and left. Hey girls, want to be my cheerleaders?  
  
Misty: Jesse, Cassidy, Mrs Ketchum, James? Want to try it?  
  
Misty, Jesse, Cassidy, Mrs Ketchum, and James: Gary! Gary! He's uh… he's… the best… he…  
  
Gary: You're hopeless. I don't suppose any of you have a car???  
  
Misty: Nope. Butch might have one though. Or Mondo.  
  
Gary: No, it's okay. I guess I can cope without cheerleaders.  
  
James: Is Meowth okay?  
  
Meowth: **dances around the room**  
  
Jesse: He's drunk, that's all.  
  
Nurse Joy: You let your Pokémon get DRUNK?  
  
Jesse: Believe me woman, he ain't ours.  
  
Nurse Joy: So whose is it???  
  
Giovanni: Actually, that worthless fleabag is technically mine, but since I gave it to Jesse and James…  
  
Nurse Joy: Someone should take care of that poor Pokémon!  
  
Jesse: Meowth can take care of himself. No one else wants him.  
  
Nurse Joy: That's terrible! I'm going to look after it until I can find it a real owner.  
  
Jesse: I'm warning you, not too many people want a talking Meowth with a criminal record. And he's done a pretty good job of looking after himself so far.  
  
Nurse Joy: Well, it would be a lot of work, and there isn't any food anyway, so I guess you'll have to keep it.  
  
Officer Jenny: **bursting through the door** Tracey said he's innocent, so I naturally believed him and let him go. Well, that and he let me look through his sketchbook.  
  
Tracey: Hi again guys!  
  
Misty: No, I tell you, you have to arrest him!  
  
Officer Jenny: It's too much work. Have you got anything *strong* I can drink?  
  
Nurse Joy: Sorry, Chansey and Blissey took it all.  
  
Officer Jenny: Ohh. **collapses into a chair.**  
  
Brock: Tracey, why did you have to come back? I mean, it's rude enough just being alive when nobody wants you*…  
  
(* A very funny quote from Shrek.)  
  
Tracey: Well, no one else wanted me so I came here.  
  
Brock: We don't particularly want you here either, but it looks like we're stuck with you.  
  
Tracey: Well, thanks.  
  
Brock: Next time just stay in jail.  
  
Tracey: What do you mean, next time? You think I'll get arrested again?  
  
Brock: We can always hope.  
  
Misty: We can always arrange it.  
  
Tracey: You really don't like me, do you?  
  
Misty: No!  
  
Ash: Want to trade some more Mondo?  
  
Mondo: Yeah, sure.  
  
Ash: But these ones on the floor are all mine.  
  
Mondo: No they're not I dropped some too!!!  
  
Ash: You did not!  
  
Misty: **sigh** It's nice to see them get along.  
  
Ash: Well this one is MINE!  
  
Mondo: No it isn't, I know that's mine!  
  
Jesse: Will you two SHUT UP? I'm trying to think.  
  
Cassidy: You might want to go and have a nap then. Thinking makes you tired when you don't do it often.  
  
Jesse: SHUT UP!!! I'm just thinking…  
  
James: About what?  
  
Jesse: Well…  
  
James: Yes…  
  
Jesse: About… oh damn, I forgot that it was.  
  
Cassidy: I told you thinking wasn't a very good idea for someone with as little brainpower as you.  
  
Jesse: It was very important… but I don't know what it was…  
  
James: Maybe it had something to do with Pikachu.  
  
Jesse: No…  
  
Ash: Pokémon training?  
  
Jesse: No!  
  
Brock: Food?  
  
Jesse: I don't think so…  
  
Misty: You're driving us all crazy, so just remember it!  
  
Jesse: I can't remember what it was!!!  
  
Ash: It was probably lunch. I know I'm hungry.  
  
Jesse: I already said it wasn't about food.  
  
Misty: Yeah, but Ash never listens.  
  
Ash: Brock, I'm hungry…  
  
James: Jesse, I'm starving…  
  
Misty: Will you two quit whining? It's so annoying.  
  
Brock: Nurse Joy, which town are we in?  
  
Nurse Joy: Don't ask me. Ask Jenny.  
  
Misty: Brock… why aren't you going completely mental over Jenny and Joy?  
  
Brock: I guess I figured how ugly they were.  
  
Officer Jenny: In that case I'm not telling you. I wouldn't tell you even if I DID know where we are.  
  
Ash: I'm hungry… Brock, feed me…  
  
Brock: I'm too knackered to be bothered to get up and there isn't any food to give you.  
  
Misty: Yeah… it's been a long day… I'm going… to… sleep…  
  
Ash: Well, I'm not tired.  
  
Brock: You drank loads of coffee, didn't you?  
  
Ash: Well, not that much…  
  
James: Why do they get the chairs and we get the floor? And why is everyone going to sleep?  
  
Jesse: Because… they're the good guys…  
  
James: But Mondo…  
  
Jesse: The dubbers don't know who he is… probably figured a trainer… and… it's a strange plot…  
  
Ash: Everyone is asleep except me! Well, maybe some evil force sent them to sleep and I'm only awake because of the wonderful coffee, but I can't be bothered to save them because I want to have some fuuuuuuuunnnn!!! I wonder if there's any more coffee???? **walks to the kitchen** Coffee! Yesss!!! More coffee!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I'm hyper I'm hyper I'm hyper I'm—oh, what do you want?  
  
Chansey: Chansey chan-chansey—  
  
Blissey: Forget all that rubbish, Chansey! We are here to take over the world!  
  
Ash: That's real nice but I want more coffee right now loads more give it give it give it! More more more!  
  
Chansey: This could be a tricky one.  
  
Blissey: I agree. What should we do?  
  
Chansey: We'll have to knock him out.  
  
Blissey: Give me the mallet, I want to do it!  
  
Chansey: Why should you have all the fun? Give it here!  
  
Blissey: No! **hits Ash over the head**  
  
Chansey: I don't understand. Why isn't he falling down?  
  
Ash: I've been hit over the head by a mallet so many times it doesn't hurt anymore!!! I'm going to find more coffee! Hey, you stupid Pokémon, get outta my way I'm hyper let me past!  
  
Chansey: We can't.  
  
Ash: I won't tell anyone I don't even KNOW about your plan to take over the world.  
  
Blissey: Chansey?  
  
Chansey: Let him go. Nothing can stop us now! Bwhahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff! Jiggly jiggly jigga-ly puff!  
  
Chansey: Noooooooooooooo!  
  
Jigglypuff: **singing** Jigga-lypuff, jigg-a-lee…  
  
Blissey: I'm… so… tired…  
  
Ash: What's up with you guys?  
  
Jigglypuff: Jiggly? Jiggly!!! **translation: "what? You stayed awake for my whole song!!!"**  
  
Ash: I guess I did. It must have been all that coffee. Get me more magical coffee! Now now now! Coffee for me!!!  
  
Jigglypuff: Jiggly jiggly puff! **translation: "weird kid! I'm off!"**  
  
Ash: No, don't leave, Jigglypuff!!! Oh well. Lalalalalalalalala, I'm Ash, lalalalalala, I'm so great, I'm a Pokémon trainer, I—what's the point in being hyper and boasting if no one's around to hear it?  
  
Brock: Hey Ash.  
  
Ash: Brock! I thought you were asleep!  
  
Brock: And you were talking to yourself.  
  
Ash: Yes I-no, I uh… well…  
  
Brock: Did anything interesting happen while the rest of us were asleep?  
  
Ash: Well, lemme think about that one… no.  
  
Misty: Hey Ash.  
  
Ash: Is EVERYONE going to appear and go "hey Ash"???  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Hi Ash.  
  
James: Yo Ash.  
  
Mondo: Hello Ash.  
  
Ash: Shut UP everyone! I have a headache!  
  
Brock: Probably all that coffee and then the being hyper.  
  
Psyduck: Psy duck-duck-duck!  
  
Misty: Psyduck, will you go away? You're giving us all a headache!  
  
Psyduck: Psy-yii-yii.  
  
Misty: Does anyone know where we are?  
  
Brock: Don't start that again.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: I want to go home, but I don't know how to get there.  
  
Prof. Oak: Yes, we—I mean, I—have to get back and look after Mr. Mi—the Pokémon.  
  
Brock: Well no one knows where we are.  
  
Misty: We could just go out, and start walking.  
  
Brock: **sarcastically** Great idea Misty.  
  
Misty: Good! Psyduck, get back in your Pokéball!  
  
Ash: Pikachu, get back on my head.  
  
Todd: Where's—ah, there's my camera.  
  
Officer Jenny: Leave me out, I'm not going anywhere.  
  
Nurse Joy: It's my PokéCentre. I'm staying.  
  
Misty: So who is coming? Ash, Jesse, me, James, Brock, Tracey, Cassidy, Butch, Gary, Mrs Ketchum, Prof. Oak, Flint, Giovanni, Mateo, Koga, Captain Ayden, Todd, Pikachu, and Meowth. Could be uh, interesting.  
  
Brock: We could steal Jenny's motorbike, that way some of us could go off and find out where we are, then come back.  
  
Officer Jenny: Leave my bike alone.  
  
Nurse Joy: Did you park it in the driveway or inside the building this time?  
  
Officer Jenny: Well duh, inside. It's raining.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: We better not go if it's raining. Someone might catch a cold.  
  
Misty: Who cares? If we stay here Ash and Mondo will argue, Psyduck will continue to be a pain, and we'll all get fed up of being squashed into one room together when most of us hate each other anyway.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Okay, but Ash must wear a coat.  
  
Ash: Mom, I don't HAVE a coat!  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Okay, okay.  
  
Misty: So, we're going? **leans towards the door**  
  
Brock: Hey, wait for us!  
  
Misty: It's raining… quite a lot.  
  
Jesse: Wait, where's Meowth? Oh, there he is. James, you better carry him.  
  
James: Why me?  
  
Jesse: Be a gentleman for ONCE in your boring and feminine life, James.  
  
James: But my arms will get tired.  
  
Jesse: Who CARES?  
  
Misty: Uh, guys… it's not just raining a little bit…  
  
Ash: Oh, who cares? Get out the way.  
  
Misty: Careful Ash, you might drown.  
  
Ash: Don't be stupid Misty, I—  
  
**Rain pours in through the door**  
  
Nurse Joy: Shut the door, shut the door!!! Are you trying to flood the PokéCentre?  
  
Brock: Actually, it might be a good idea to block up the bottom of the door. Otherwise we ARE going to flood.  
  
Misty: How long would we be stuck in here?  
  
Brock: I think… probably only a week.  
  
Misty: ONLY a week? With no food?  
  
Brock: Well, it's getting worse and on the TV they said there were flood warnings somewhere… probably here.  
  
Misty: But if we leave now we might—  
  
Brock: Drown.  
  
Jesse: And ruin my hair.  
  
Ash: Hey, guys… there's water running through under the door.  
  
Tracey: **from the kitchen** Hey, Nurse Joy, I came out to the kitchen to, uh, well anyway, your washing machine is flooding all over the kitchen floor!  
  
Nurse Joy: Great.  
  
Misty: At least we won't be short of anything to drink.  
  
Pikachu: **running up to the window** Pika pika pikaCHU!!!  
  
Mondo: Ash, is Pikachu all right?  
  
Ash: Yeah, it just means there's a thunderstorm coming.  
  
Misty: I hope the power doesn't… **blinks in the sudden darkness** Go out.  
  
Brock: So we have no food, no power, and… too much water?  
  
Cassidy: Looks like it.  
  
Ash: Pikachu could generate enough power to—  
  
Misty: Ash, for once in your stupid life could you please NOT be stupid? What are you trying to do? Kill Pikachu?  
  
Ash: No… I'm afraid of the dark.  
  
Cassidy: Well, Butch's Ninetales he stole a few weeks ago could light a fire in the fireplace that's full of wood…  
  
Butch: Yeah, go on Ninetales—Ninetales? Oh great. It can't be bothered to light a fire for us.  
  
Ash: Ninetales? This is a job for Dexter.  
  
Dexter: Nine-tales. This—go and look for yourself, lazy twerp!  
  
Ash: Funny. Dexter's never said that before.  
  
Prof. Oak: Well, how often do you use it without bothering to even look at the Pokémon first?  
  
Ash: Well, every time I see a Pokémon I haven't seen before or in a long time.  
  
Prof. Oak: Ah. So Dexter thought you were being lazy. Actually you were.  
  
Gary: I study Pokémon so I don't have to check the Pokédex first.  
  
Ash: Yeah, well I don't read books, I catch Pokémon!  
  
Gary: Number one, that's because you CAN'T read, and secondly, you haven't caught anywhere near as many Pokémon as me.  
  
Ash: Show off.  
  
Gary: I'm not showing off, it's just a FACT.  
  
Ash: Well I make friends with my Pokémon, that's why I—  
  
Gary: Then you abandon your Pokémon.  
  
Jesse: Like you abandoned Pikachu in that forest, and Charizard in that valley. They didn't WANT to be left behind.  
  
Ash: Will you shut up? I don't know everything.  
  
Misty: That's not what you normally tell us.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Will everyone STOP arguing? It's getting on my nerves.  
  
Jesse: You get on my nerves, what with your underwear obsessions and you winning bikini competitions and—  
  
Mrs Ketchum: You're still bothered about that?  
  
Jesse: They should have had an age limit in that competition.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Oh yeah, well they should have—  
  
Misty: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Ash: Misty, you have such a big mouth.  
  
Brock: He's right you know.  
  
Misty: Will you leave off?  
  
James: Someone just trod on my foot.  
  
Cassidy: Who cares?  
  
James: It was you who stood on my foot!!  
  
Cassidy: So what if it was?  
  
James: Well it HURT!  
  
Cassidy: Because you're a wimp.  
  
Jesse and Butch: Shut UP!!!  
  
Ash: I don't like the dark.  
  
Misty: Tough luck. What are you gonna do about it?  
  
Ash: Hasn't someone got a torch?  
  
Misty: No.  
  
Pikachu: Pika!!! **translation: "my feet are getting all wet, someone stop the water getting in or we'll all get flooded and drown!"**  
  
Ash: What's that Pikachu? Your sparks couldn't light up the Pokémon Centre; it's too dark… my socks are getting all wet…  
  
Misty: Eeewww, the inside of my shoe is getting all wet… it's horrible…  
  
James: Jesse, why didn't we get waterproof boots?  
  
Jesse: Because the Boss is too stingy—uh, because WE forgot to, James.  
  
Nurse Joy: Everyone get upstairs where it's dry.  
  
Ash: Where are the stairs?  
  
Nurse Joy: Well, the doorway must be—ow, no, that's a wall… this way! Everyone grab hands and we'll go upstairs.  
  
Ash: Uhh…  
  
Misty: Ash, do you want to drown? Hold someone's hand!  
  
James: Whose hand have I got?  
  
Butch: Mine.  
  
James: Butch? I don't want to hold his ha—  
  
Jesse: James, you're both wearing gloves. What does it matter?  
  
Ash: Uhh…  
  
Misty: Ash, if you have a problem with holding someone's hand then grab my arm or something—Ash that isn't my arm.  
  
Ash: Sorry. Is this your arm?  
  
Misty: Yes! Have you got Pikachu?  
  
Ash: I don't know… yeah, he's on my head.  
  
Brock: Someone hold my hand!  
  
Misty: Brock for goodness sake hold mine.  
  
Nurse Joy: Has everyone got someone's hand?  
  
Mrs Ketchum: I have Samuel—Prof. Oak's but we're not attached to anyone else.  
  
Nurse Joy: Just grab on to someone and come upstairs.  
  
James: Hey slow down; don't pull me up the stairs… argh! **trips and has a domino-effect**  
  
Misty: Who pushed us up the stairs?  
  
James: I fell over.  
  
Misty: If I could see where you were then I'd hit you!  
  
Nurse Joy: If you'd all SHUT UP maybe we'd get there without any more accidents!  
  
Brock: Where are we going anyway?  
  
Nurse Joy: Upstairs.  
  
Brock: I know that, I mean, what's upstairs?  
  
Nurse Joy: Well, there's a bedroom…  
  
Brock: **sarcastically** Oh great.  
  
Ash: Uh, Nurse Joy, where's the bathroom?  
  
Misty: This really isn't the time for that Ash.  
  
Ash: I don't care, I need to go!  
  
Misty: Well how are you supposed to find it in the dark? Besides, with our luck with water, the toilet will definitely flood.  
  
Ash: I don't care!  
  
Nurse Joy: It's opposite the stairs... Just go straight across. Then we'll be in the room next to it.  
  
Ash: It's where?  
  
Nurse Joy: **sigh** Just keep walking.  
  
Misty: **quietly** Doo, doo, doo-be-doo-be-doo…*  
  
(* That annoying "doo-doo" song from Pikachu's Rescue Adventure).  
  
Brock and Misty: Doo, doo, doo-ber-b-doo be-doo, doo-b-dee-ber-doo, doo- doo, doo-doo.  
  
Cassidy: It's bad enough we're all stuck here in the dark, without some of you singing.  
  
Ash: I found my way in here in the dark! I ow--I just walked into a door.  
  
Mondo: I know what we can do to pass the time! Let's all sing!  
  
Ash: That's a great idea!  
  
Butch: Actually, it isn't a bad idea…  
  
Mondo, Ash, and Butch: Ten green bottles, hanging on the wall, ten green bottles, ha—  
  
Cassidy: Shut UP!!! Butch, you know what I think of your singing voice.  
  
Butch: I can't help having this voice!  
  
Cassidy: Yes, but you don't have to SING!  
  
Jesse: **quietly** Ten green spiders, hanging on the wall; ten green spiders, hanging on the wall. And if one of those spiders, should accidentally fall, then it'll crawl up your trousers, and paralyse your ba—  
  
Cassidy: No SINGING!!!  
  
Brock: So what ARE we going to do, stuck in here in the dark???  
  
Cassidy: I'd go to sleep, but there isn't room.  
  
Misty: That's because James is hogging all the space.  
  
James: I am not! Ash is taking up twice as much space as me!  
  
Ash: I'm NOT!  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Will you stop singing and stop arguing? I have a headache.  
  
Misty: I want to know which one of those guys is Ash's father.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Well I don't know. It could be any of them.  
  
Prof. Oak: Someone's sat on my foot.  
  
Giovanni: Well if you can think of a better place to sit then I'd like to hear it.  
  
Prof. Oak: Yes. Off my foot!  
  
Flint: Shut up both of you.  
  
Brock: Shut up all three of you. You're only here because you might be Ash's dad.  
  
Flint: I've got enough sons already, without having him.  
  
Prof. Oak: It… wouldn't look very good if I were the father. It would ruin the good name of Oak.  
  
Gary: Grandpa, you don't really think that you could be that loser's father, do you?  
  
Prof. Oak: Actually… yes.  
  
Gary: If I'm related to him I think I'll throw myself off a bridge.  
  
Captain Ayden: I don't think I could… suddenly take on a son.  
  
Misty: You're fighting over ownership of Ash now?  
  
Koga: I did want a son to take the gym… but if my daughter can run it… well, I don't need a son.  
  
Giovanni: I only want him if he's willing to run Team Rocket for me in the future. Somehow I doubt he'll want to do that.  
  
Mateo: I have the glass business and my sister… but if he's an expert with glass…  
  
Mrs Ketchum: So none of you want him?  
  
Prof. Oak, Flint, Captain Ayden, Koga, Giovanni and Mateo: No!  
  
Mrs Ketchum: Brock, you look after him. You've been more like a father to him than any of these. 


	2. Chapter2

Prof. Oak: I gave him his first Pokémon!  
  
Mrs Ketchum: You did that to two complete strangers too.  
  
Flint: Brock, you know what that means…  
  
Brock: What what means?  
  
Flint: Well, you can be the one to have the "little talk" to Ash about… stuff.  
  
Brock: I knew there was a catch in that somewhere.  
  
Ash: What is this "stuff" you keep going on about???  
  
Brock: Nothing, Ash. Nothing.  
  
Misty: I wonder when the power will be—oh, the power just came back on.  
  
James: Oh! It's too bright! I'm going to go blind!  
  
Jesse: Shut up James.  
  
James: Why are you always telling me to shut up? Why? Why me? Why should I shut up?  
  
Jesse: Because you're always whining. That's why.  
  
James: Yes, but Jesse—  
  
Jesse: Shut up.  
  
Cassidy: Everyone shut up!  
  
Jesse: YOU shut up, you talk more than anyone else!  
  
Cassidy: Me? ME? You're the big-mouthed one!  
  
Jesse: No I'm not!  
  
Misty: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!!  
  
Brock: Misty has a bigger mouth than either of you.  
  
Jesse: She does not!!!  
  
Misty: SHUT UP!!!  
  
**looooong(ish) silence**  
  
Ash: So what are we gonna do, just sit here in silence?  
  
Misty: It's better than listening to you sounding stupid all the time.  
  
Ash: Are you calling me stupid?  
  
Misty: I said you sound stupid. I didn't say you are.  
  
Ash: It's the same thing!!!  
  
Misty: No it isn't!!!  
  
Brock: Guys, guys. Calm down. Kiss and make up, huh?  
  
Sarah: Pokéshippers, stay out, don't hold your breath, I don't write AAML fics because there's millions of those already so I'm not writing them, so don't even think that the Ask Ketchum we know (but uh… not love) will just lean over and kiss her in a room full of people, including both his parents.  
  
Misty: Really, don't be stu… pid… Brock…  
  
Sarah: Uh oh. Why don't I have control of what's happening anymore? Brock… Brock, why did you say that? You…  
  
Ash: What's going on?  
  
Sarah: Oh thank God.  
  
Misty: Ash, I—  
  
Sarah: No… Please no.  
  
Brock: **tapes Misty's mouth up**  
  
Misty: Mph mmph!!!  
  
Jesse: Brock, what are you DOING? That could have been the funniest thing to ever—  
  
Brock: With all of us watching? Oh come on, I'd never be able to look Misty in the eye again.  
  
Misty: **ripping the tape off** I am still here you know.  
  
Brock: Sorry about the tape thing. Just I couldn't have you saying that… little favour to the author, you know?  
  
Misty: You didn't even know what I was going to say!  
  
Brock: We can't take that chance.  
  
Misty: Well, I was going to say I—  
  
Brock: Don't.  
  
Misty: Brock, will you let me speak?  
  
Brock: No! What do you want to do, ruin thousands of lives???  
  
Misty: What d'you mean?  
  
Brock: Every person in this room has some kind of… romantic partnership invented by… some freaks out there, and then there're all those shippers…  
  
Misty: What, you think I—I wasn't going to say that!  
  
Brock: You weren't? What were you going to say?  
  
Misty: Oh, no. You don't want me to tell you.  
  
Brock: Misty…  
  
Misty: Besides, all this "spoil the shipping" rubbish, what about earlier? In the forest?  
  
Brock: That was just… between friends. You know that.  
  
Misty: Yes Brock. And "practise", remember?  
  
Brock: Will you shut up?  
  
Misty: Why?  
  
Brock: Well… my dad's giving me funny looks…  
  
Misty: Well… get him a boat and send him home.  
  
Brock: A BOAT???  
  
Misty: The flood, remember?  
  
Brock: Ah… yeah.  
  
Misty: You sounded just like Ash, you know.  
  
Gary: Speaking of Ash, you might want to remember he's sitting right next to you looking confused.  
  
Misty: Waa!  
  
Brock: You sounded just like Ash then.  
  
Misty: Yes, well, anyway… someone get a boat and send the adults off somewhere…  
  
Brock: Why?  
  
Misty: You just SAID you were uncomfortable with your dad there…  
  
Brock: Mistyyy…  
  
Misty: **innocently** What?  
  
Mrs Ketchum: There's a boat out there… we'll go then… see you Ash… bye Pikachu…  
  
Misty: Bye Mrs K! Bye Prof. Oak! Bye… um, leader of Team Rocket guy! Bye Mateo! Bye Koga! Bye Captain Ayden! Bye Officer Jenny! Bye Nurse Joy!  
  
Brock: So now… there're no adults.  
  
Misty: Yes… let's have some fun!  
  
Jesse: Will you two shut up for a moment? You've been talking for AGES!  
  
James: Yeah, I didn't get a chance to whine…  
  
Misty: So? It was—  
  
Brock: I remember that Sarah sort of made a promise to not have any proper shipping stuff… just hints… So we better shut up now.  
  
Misty: What is all this stuff with you and her? It's like you can read her mind or something!  
  
Brock: She didn't want to get involved with… well, coming in here, so I'm the official spokesperson.  
  
Misty: Maybe we should have a party or something.  
  
Ash: Why?  
  
Misty: Well, we reached page fifty-five, and we didn't celebrate page fifty, and it's Sarah's birthday. Plus parties are fun.  
  
Ash: We don't have any food…  
  
Brock: No music…  
  
Jesse: No presents…  
  
Misty: Well, we could play truth or dare…  
  
Cassidy: Again?  
  
Misty: We can play properly this time… everyone sit in a circle.  
  
Cassidy: Fine…  
  
Misty: Who wants to go first?  
  
Brock: If you mean pick someone then I will. I pick… Jesse.  
  
Jesse: Oh. Uhh… dare.  
  
Brock: Okay, I dare you to… um… kiss… Ash.  
  
Jesse: Ash?!? Okay, fine, I will. **kisses Ash's cheek**  
  
Brock: It was very quick… but I suppose it will have to count.  
  
Jesse: Good, now I choose… hmm… Cassidy!  
  
Cassidy: Dare.  
  
Jesse: Okay… I dare you to… hey Brock, help me out here.  
  
Brock: Okay. **whispers something in Jesse's ear**  
  
Jesse: No, that's just sick.  
  
Brock: Well, you asked for help.  
  
Jesse: I know, but I didn't think…  
  
Cassidy: I'm not going to wait around forever while you chat up Brock.  
  
Jesse: I wasn't! Anyway, I dare you to… Wear a pair of Butch's underpants on your head!  
  
Cassidy: Can I use clean ones?  
  
Jesse: I suppose.  
  
Cassidy: Butch, hand them over.  
  
Butch: Okay, okay, give me a minute to find them; they're in the bottom of my bag… Ah hah!  
  
Jesse: **laughing** You have no idea how stupid you look… but you will if I take a photo of you…  
  
Cassidy: Don't you dare, you bi—  
  
Jesse: You're daring me? Okay then! **grabs a camera and takes a photo**  
  
Cassidy: You better burn that photo.  
  
Jesse: It's my turn to pick someone again—  
  
Cassidy: That's not fair!  
  
Jesse: Nothing's fair in love, war, or Pokémon battles.  
  
Cassidy: And this isn't any of those.  
  
Jesse: So? Okay, I choose Butch.  
  
Butch: Uhh… dare.  
  
Jesse: All right, but the next person has to pick Truth. Butch, I dare you to sing the Barney The Dinosaur song, and you have to hug and kiss the people on either side of you!  
  
Butch: **sigh** I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug **hugs Cassidy** and a kiss—wait, Brock's on the other side of me!  
  
Jesse: Tough.  
  
Butch: And a… kiss from me to you **kisses Brock**, we're best friends like friends should be.  
  
Jesse: Are those even the right words?  
  
Butch: I don't know, I don't watch it. Anyway, I choose… Misty.  
  
Misty: I don't have much choice here do I? Truth.  
  
Butch: Who do you have the biggest crush on in this room? And if you don't answer truthfully… then you have to do a dare as well.  
  
Misty: Uhhh… well… **goes red** Um… can I pick two people?  
  
Butch: Why?  
  
Misty: Because… because… I don't want to offend either of them, and I don't really know which one I like best.  
  
Butch: Go on then.  
  
Misty: Alright… AshandBrock.  
  
Butch: You said that very quietly and very quickly. I'm not sure everyone heard that.  
  
Misty: Ash and Brock!!! They're the only guys I ever SEE, anyway.  
  
Brock: **goes red**  
  
Ash: **looks confused**  
  
Misty: Good, I get to pick someone this time. Uhh…  
  
Jesse: Hey Cass, those boxer shorts really suit you! They go well with your hair.  
  
Cassidy: Shut up!!!  
  
Misty: I pick… Ash.  
  
Ash: This is the bit where I choose truth or dare, right?  
  
Misty: **nods encouragingly**  
  
Ash: Okay… truth.  
  
Misty: Okay. Hmm… what do you think is the best thing about me?  
  
Ash: The BEST thing? Jeez Misty…  
  
Brock: Is that a "jeez, there's too many", or a "jeez you don't have any"?  
  
Misty: Shut up Brock.  
  
Ash: Okay… your Poliwhirl!  
  
Misty: The best thing about me is one of my Pokémon? Why you…  
  
Ash: Do I get to pick someone now?  
  
Brock: Yes Ash.  
  
Ash: Okay, I choose… James.  
  
James: Uhh… truth.  
  
Ash: Okay…  
  
Misty: Wait, I got a really good one for James! **whispers in Ash's ear**  
  
Ash: Okay… James, when was the first time you ever cross-dressed?  
  
James: When I was three, and I borrowed my mom's high heels, a dress, and a hat.  
  
Misty: You wore women's clothes when you were THREE? No wonder you turned out so weird.  
  
James: Hey! Okay, I choose…  
  
Cassidy: This is getting lame. Why don't we just give up?  
  
Jesse: Because there's nothing better to do.  
  
Cassidy: Well, we could… we could…  
  
Ash: Brock, I'm hungry.  
  
James: Jesse, I'm hungry.  
  
Todd: Actually, I'm pretty hungry too.  
  
Gary: You pigs, can't you go fi—Actually, I'm hungry too.  
  
Jesse: Me three.  
  
Misty: Me four.  
  
**there is a crash and wood splintering**  
  
Brock: Something fell through the roof!  
  
Gary: Duh…  
  
Misty: What is it?  
  
Ash: It's… Togepi. But it looks like it's dead.  
  
Misty: **sniff** Togepi…  
  
Brock: That thing tried to kill you!  
  
Misty: I suppose…  
  
And so, a few minutes later…  
  
Misty: Brock, you make the greatest omelette!  
  
Brock: I know. But it helps if you have the right egg…  
  
Jesse: Who could have guessed **gulp, swallow** how delicious Togepi omelette could be?  
  
Brock: I knew all along. It's a popular food in some countries. I wanted to try it, but Misty was so attached to that egg…  
  
Misty: If you'd told how tasty it was, I would have let you AGES ago!  
  
Brock: YOU never asked!  
  
Ash: AND we're not going to starve!  
  
Brock: Well, I don't know, one Togepi doesn't go all that far between twelve people.  
  
Ash: How many is twelve?  
  
Brock: Um… all your fingers plus two more.  
  
Ash: That many??? I can't count that far!!!  
  
Misty: How far CAN you count?  
  
Ash: One… two… um… four… sixteen?  
  
Misty: Oh, great.  
  
Jesse: How can someone that stupid always beat us?  
  
James: I guess that makes us… even stupider.  
  
Jesse: Shut up you idiot or I'll set Jessebelle on you!  
  
James: I'll be quiet.  
  
Jesse: Good.  
  
James: Anyway, it's TDLS.  
  
Jesse: James…  
  
James: What?  
  
Jesse: Shut up.  
  
Misty: What are we going to do after we finish eating?  
  
Brock: Nothing.  
  
Misty: Nothing?  
  
Brock: Well, Sarah's getting sick of this fic now, after 59 pages of utter rubbish, and then the ever so slightly irritating fact that she can't find out how to enable reviews on posted fics. We'll never know what people think of this. PLUS there is always the fact that now school has started up again, Sarah has no life left due to Geography and French.  
  
Sarah: He's right you know, guys.  
  
Misty: But-but…  
  
Sarah: C'est la vie. No time for fun. School… oh… maybe I should say goodbye to this fic right now.  
  
Tracey: No!  
  
Sarah: Tracey, I'm always horrible to you in my fics.  
  
Tracey: Not that other one you started, you were completely… neutral. You didn't personally have any problem with me!  
  
Sarah: That was just a test.  
  
Tracey: I don't care. You can't give up now!  
  
Sarah: Tracey, for once you may be right. I won't do my homework! Everyday I will work on my Pokéfics!  
  
Everyone: **falls over animé-style**  
  
Brock: Not a good idea.  
  
Sarah: I suppose not. Now get back to the fic, guys…  
  
Jesse: **cough**  
  
Sarah: …and girls.  
  
Jesse: That's better.  
  
Sarah: Well?  
  
Misty: You're in charge. You have to tell us what to do.  
  
Sarah: Ah. Yes. So…  
  
Brock: Can I sing a song?  
  
Misty: I have a few songs I could sing! I wrote them myself!  
  
Brock: I wrote mine myself.  
  
Misty: All about Jenny and Joy, right?  
  
Brock: **sweatdrops** Right.  
  
Misty: I thought you'd gone off them.  
  
Brock: Only the ones we saw today. They were ugly.  
  
Misty: Ohhhhhhhhhh, well, that makes sense considering they all LOOK THE SAME!!!  
  
James: I have a song! It's in Japanese! It's called "Lucky Lucky"!!!  
  
Jesse: James, that isn't your song. It's Kojiro's.  
  
James: Same thing!  
  
Kojiro: **rushes in, says something in Japanese, hits James, and then runs out**  
  
James: NOT the same thing… Kojiro's a lot tougher than me.  
  
Jesse: He still cross-dresses though. But he doesn't whine as much as you. His cross-dressing is strictly because he's a criminal, whereas yours…  
  
Cassidy: Is just for the fun of it.  
  
James: Yes, so?  
  
Jesse: **sigh**  
  
James: Meowth would sing, if he hadn't passed out.  
  
Ash: I haven't written a song but I could sing the starting song…  
  
Misty: Which one?  
  
Ash: **singing badly** I wanna be, the very best, like no one ever waaaaaaaaasss… Hey Butch, join in!  
  
Butch: I would, but Cassie would kill me.  
  
Cassidy: Too right I would. DON'T sing!  
  
Jesse: You know James, you never wore that bikini. Kojiro did.  
  
James: Just because when they translated that episode that didn't SHOW me in the bikini… and Mrs Ketchum's trophy was still really for the bikini contest and not whatever they translated it as.  
  
Ash: I'm confused.  
  
James: Join the club.  
  
Ash: Okay! **writes "member of the 'I'm confused club'" on his hat**  
  
James: I didn't mean it literally.  
  
Ash: Oh, okay. What does that mean?  
  
James: Don't worry about it.  
  
Misty: So, yes, anyway, after Ash acts really dumb for ages, what do we do then?  
  
Brock: We could—  
  
Misty: I wasn't asking you, Brock.  
  
Brock: Well, I—  
  
Misty: Shut up Brock. I know what your suggestions will be like.  
  
Brock: Oh, thanks.  
  
Misty: Anyone who ISN'T Ash or Brock?  
  
Ash: We could—  
  
Misty: Is NOT ASH or Brock.  
  
Jesse: We COULD do something stupid like Charades…  
  
Brock: Actually, I have Twister in my bag, we could play that…  
  
Misty: Is there anything you don't have in your bag?  
  
Brock: Well… no.  
  
Jesse: Fine then, we'll do that.  
  
Brock: Well, okay… ah. Actually I… traded it.  
  
Misty: No Brock. Don't even THINK of trying to trade it back.  
  
Brock: Okay.  
  
Mondo: I know what we could do! We could—  
  
Jesse: No, Mondo.  
  
Mondo: There's a lot of feminine control going on round here, isn't there?  
  
Misty: That's what happens when you have a redheaded feminist writing the fic… and it's not me, so don't all look at me!!!  
  
James: I—  
  
Jesse: Shut up James.  
  
James: NO YOU SHUT UP JESSE! Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.  
  
Jesse: As you were saying Misty, feminist…  
  
Misty: Feminist who doesn't like to see James being picked by everyone.  
  
Jesse: I don't pick on James!!!  
  
James: Ha.  
  
Brock: So, anyway, where were we?  
  
Misty: Well, I was just saying that—  
  
Brock: Shut up Misty.  
  
Jesse: What were you just saying Misty?  
  
Sarah: It's been a long day OKAY, I'm tired and the idea of this whole thing is for it to be completely INSANE, so all of you SHUT UP!!!  
  
**long silence**  
  
Sarah: Uh, guys?  
  
**silence**  
  
Sarah: Hey, GUYS!!!  
  
Misty: YOU told us to shut up.  
  
Sarah: Yeah, I…  
  
Misty: Rather than yelling at us from a distance why don't you come in here to argue?  
  
Sarah: Because I don't have a mallet and you do.  
  
Misty: Oh, fair enough.  
  
Ash: Do you have any Pokémon?  
  
Sarah: My GameBoy team or my made-up wish team?  
  
Ash: The… GameBoy team.  
  
Sarah: But those Pokémon are awful!!!  
  
Ash: Are you afraid of losing?  
  
Sarah: I'm writing this rubbish, and you can't bribe me. Look, this is about you guys, not about me. So can we get on with it?  
  
Brock: Sor-rree.  
  
Sarah: Aw, come on, get on with it.  
  
Ash: Sarah, I'm bored.  
  
Sarah: **hands Ash a GameBoy and Pokémon Crystal**  
  
Ash: What…? Oh… **goes in the corner to play his new GameBoy**  
  
Mondo: **gives a begging look**  
  
Sarah: If it'll keep you quiet, you can have one too.  
  
Mondo: Thanks!!! **follows Ash**  
  
Sarah: Now, as for the rest if you…  
  
James: Uh oh.  
  
Sarah: Is Tracey still here? And Todd?  
  
Todd: Yeah.  
  
Tracey: Yeah.  
  
Sarah: Oh, great. I don't even like you!  
  
Misty: **yawn**  
  
Sarah: Yeah, okay then. What do you guys want to do?  
  
Misty: Sleep.  
  
Jesse: Sleep.  
  
James: Sleep.  
  
Sarah: Fine, you three sleep. Which leaves Butch, Cassidy, Todd, Tracey, Gary, and Brock.  
  
Butch: I'm getting bored of this. I'm going to leave or something.  
  
Sarah: Ohhh, no. You're staying here.  
  
Cassidy: Where are you, anyway? It's getting creepy.  
  
Sarah: Fine. **walks in the door** Happy now?  
  
Cassidy: Great.  
  
Brock: We still have nothing to do.  
  
Sarah: Well, I'm off to play Minesweeper. Byeeeeeeeee, guys!!!  
  
Cassidy: **cough**  
  
Sarah: And girls.  
  
Sarah: Yes, anyway, I'm back, and I brought some visitors…  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet (they're all the same to me): Like, hi!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet (but not whoever just spoke): Yeah, we like, totally missed you, Misty.  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet (whoever hasn't spoken yet): Like, yeah!  
  
Misty: Someone please hide me. **hides behind Ash who is in the corner playing his new GameBoy with Mondo**  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, why Misty? We like, came to see you.  
  
Ash: Misty, can you, like –oh, I didn't mean to say that- tell them apart?  
  
Misty: Yeah, 'course, that's Daisy… or is it Violet?  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: You can like, tell, from our like, hair colour!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, totally!  
  
Misty: Like, shut up!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, that's not very like, nice Misty!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, yeah!  
  
Misty: Are you trying to TORTURE me?  
  
Sarah: Yep! While I'm here, I might as well bring in Mr Mime and Jessebelle and Prof. Ivy and---  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: You're like, so cruel!  
  
Sarah: Me? Okay, I won't invite the others.  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, good! But like, who's Prof. Ivy?  
  
Misty: Shut UP!!! Brock'll go—  
  
Brock: Don't mention that name!!!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Oh, like, sorry!  
  
Misty: Go away!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, don't be so like, rude!  
  
Misty: This is MY life, now get out of it!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, that's really mean, Misty.  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, totally.  
  
Misty: GO AWAAAAAYYYYY!!!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, fine.  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Yeah, we like, will.  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Yeah, totally. Like, goodbye.  
  
Misty: Good riddance. Go. And by the wa-ay, there's a flood out there so—  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, no there isn't!!!  
  
Misty: We're not stuck here anymore?  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Like, no!  
  
Brock: Don't go, girls!!! Come back!!! I can tell you apart!!!  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: Ew, like, don't even go there!  
  
Brock: Ohhhhhhh…  
  
Gary: Hey girls, want to be my cheerleaders?  
  
Daisy, Lily, and Violet: Like, for the great Gary Oak? Like, totally! Like, Gary, he's like, the best! He's like, the greatest!  
  
Gary: Actually, I think I've changed my mind. You can go.  
  
Daisy, Lily, or Violet: **walking off** No one, like, totally appreciates us anymore, like, you know, totally.  
  
Misty: How on earth can I be related to them?  
  
Ash: Why don't you speak in that really weird way?  
  
Misty: Well, like, I do, like totally, but I like, try not to.  
  
Ash: Okay, don't talk like that, you're scaring me.  
  
Brock: It's just so… weird when you do that.  
  
Jesse: Yeah, you're worse than some of the girls back at Pokémon Tech. In fact, you're worse than Cassidy.  
  
Cassidy: What is WRONG with being like me?  
  
Jesse: Your hair, your attitude, your partner, your… your…  
  
Cassidy: I would be jealous of my hair if I had your hair, Jess.  
  
Misty: Imagine. If I'd have stayed at home in Cerulean City, I might still be just like them.  
  
Brock: **to Ash** Still might be better than the violent Misty we have to put up with.  
  
Misty: What are you saying Brock???  
  
Brock: Nothing Misty, nothing.  
  
Ash: **goes back to his corner**  
  
Jesse: What was that about my hair?  
  
Cassidy: It looks awful.  
  
Jesse: Does not!  
  
Cassidy: Does too!!!  
  
Jesse: Does NOT!  
  
Cassidy: DOES TOO!!!  
  
Butch: Quit arguing! You're both being childish.  
  
Jesse: We ARE NOT!!!  
  
Cassidy: Don't get Butch mad. I mean, really, don't get Butch mad.  
  
Jesse: When James gets mad he cries.  
  
Cassidy: **snorts with laughter**  
  
Brock: Jess, I don't mean any offence by this, but James is more feminine than you'll ever be.  
  
Jesse: James is more feminine than any of the females I know.  
  
James: You're all so mean!!! **wails**  
  
Jesse: Will someone shut him up?  
  
Cassidy: **puts her arm round James** aww, it's okay, little James, cheer up.  
  
James: **sniff**  
  
Cassidy: STOP CRYING NOW, YOU'RE SEVENTEEN, NOW STOP IT YOU BA— **notices everyone's staring at her** What?  
  
Jesse: James, stop now. It's like babysitting… which is strange considering you're the same age as me.  
  
Cassidy: And I've never liked little kids.  
  
Ash: Jesse, Cassidy, Brock, I'm bored now.  
  
Cassidy: What is this? A nursery school?  
  
Ash: Hello? I'm bor-red.  
  
Misty: Ash, shut up. We were having a sensible conversation.  
  
Brock: Were we?  
  
Jesse: As far as I remember, I argued with Cassidy and then James cried.  
  
Brock: Yeah, more or less.  
  
Ash: I'm boooor-redddd.  
  
Misty: Quit whining.  
  
Ash: Noooooooo!!! I want to keep on whining!  
  
James: If he can whine why can't I?  
  
Jesse: Shut up Twerp, shut up James.  
  
Misty: I know what will shut him up!!! **kisses Ash**  
  
Sarah: **puts her head in her hands** I said I wanted none of this… it was for the good of the nation…  
  
Jesse: Hmm, could work **kisses James**.  
  
Sarah: Nooooooooooooooo… Please, no, this can't be happening…  
  
Brock: **looks round for free females**  
  
Cassidy: Butch, quick…  
  
Sarah: No, Brock.  
  
Brock: There aren't any more females!!!  
  
Sarah: Well, Todd, Gary, Mondo, ummm… just them… they…  
  
Brock: Sarah…  
  
Sarah: So, they're guys… but…  
  
Brock: Ohhh… it's not fair…  
  
Sarah: I'll say. I'm supposed to be in control here!!!  
  
Misty: Tough luck.  
  
Sarah: Oh come on everyone, be nice…  
  
Misty: I'm supposed to be nicer to Ash?  
  
Sarah: No, to me!  
  
Misty: Well, if you really want…  
  
Sarah: NO!!! Oh please, I'm the writer…  
  
Gary: I think it's too late to try and tell them that…  
  
Sarah: Oh please, for goodness sake… Butch, Cassidy, stop that… NOW… not in front of the children…  
  
Cassidy: You have no control over what we do! Hahahahahaha!  
  
Sarah: Great. My characters are rebelling.  
  
Brock: We weren't yours in the first place.  
  
Sarah: But you're in my fic…. Please guys…  
  
Jesse: Give us one good reason why we should do as you say.  
  
Sarah: I'll send you to Teletubby Land.  
  
Cassidy: Nooooooooo!!!  
  
Sarah: Well, be good then.  
  
Misty: No… not… Teletubby Land… again…  
  
Ash: Again? And what was all that about just now?  
  
Sarah: Good old stupid Ash…  
  
Misty: I don't know if you meant that as a compliment or an insult.  
  
Sarah: Me neither.  
  
Brock: In various fics by other people… and Sarah herself… we've been sent to Teletubby Land… many times… not nice… scary… worse than Prof. Ivy…  
  
Jesse: It must be bad, if he says that…  
  
Misty: Eh, if you don't count death by custard, death by hug, death by skin cancer, death from rabbit bites, death by "time for tubby bye-bye", and death by being sucked up by Hoover then it's quite a nice place.  
  
James: Jesse…  
  
Jesse: What now?  
  
James: Jesse, can we—  
  
Sarah: No. Don't even think about it.  
  
Mondo: **goes round putting post-it notes up everywhere**  
  
Jesse: Mondo, what the heck are you doing now???  
  
Mondo: What do you think? I'm putting up post-it notes.  
  
Jesse: Yes, but why? And you're not even doing a very good job of it; half of them have fallen off.  
  
Mondo: They were cheap ones, what do you expect? And I'm putting reminders up. **Sticks one of James's head**  
  
James: Hey!  
  
Jesse: Reminders for WHAT???  
  
Mondo: Everything.  
  
Jesse: Well, that's… useful.  
  
Mondo: Yes, it'll remind you of everything you've forgotten.  
  
Jesse: Mondo, stop. Fun as that is, we will soon be buried in a sea of little yellow bits of paper with messages on the front and very little glue on the back.  
  
Mondo: Yes, but I'm enjoying this!  
  
Jesse: No Mondo, not on the ceiling.  
  
Misty: No Mondo, not on the floor.  
  
James: No Mondo, not on me.  
  
Mondo: I'm only trying to help!  
  
Jesse: Yes well don't.  
  
Mondo: Hmph.  
  
Misty: Mondo, she doesn't mean it, she loves you really…  
  
Mondo: Really? **eyes light up**  
  
Sarah: For anyone who doesn't know (that's you, Kayleigh), Mondo has a BIG crush on Jesse.  
  
Mondo: I do not!  
  
Sarah: On Musashi then.  
  
Mondo: I don't!  
  
Misty: Whatever you say Mondo.  
  
James: Mondo, why does this post-it note say "take the cat out"?  
  
Mondo: Well, it's just something people forget…  
  
James: Meowth sorts himself out.  
  
Jesse: Oh great, it's raining post-it notes. This one says "talk to the milkman"?!? What milkman???  
  
Mondo: I don't know, I thought you might want to remember it.  
  
James: I still have a post-it note on my nose!  
  
Jesse: Leave it there. It suits you.  
  
James: It's making my nose itch!  
  
Jesse: Then take it off.  
  
James: But you said…  
  
Jesse: James, shut up. Just shut up.  
  
Misty: You know, Brock, brock was a Shakespearian insult.  
  
Brock: What???  
  
Misty: Well, it means badger, and badgers were thought of as smelly.  
  
Brock: That's so…  
  
Misty: But it's okay Brock, I expect you were named because of the "rock" part of Brock. Not because it means badger.  
  
Brock: I hope so. Or I'll kill my dad.  
  
Misty: Your mom might have named you.  
  
Brock: She's already dead. Takeshi's mom might have run away but mine died.  
  
Misty: C'est la vie.  
  
Brock: Oh that's reeaal nice. I say "my mom's dead", and you say, "that's life"???  
  
Misty: I don't have any parents but you don't hear me complaining.  
  
Ash: You complain about everything else though. You know, like how hard some work is even when you're just standing there and Togepi's doing more work that you.  
  
Brock: And now Togepi's dead. Ah well. C'est la vie.  
  
Misty: Shut up, Brock the Badger.  
  
Brock: Shut up… shut up… just shut up.  
  
Jesse: Mondo, you said you'd STOP that!  
  
Mondo: Oh, but Jesse…  
  
Jesse: Where did you GET all those post-it notes anyway?  
  
Mondo: Well, there was an ad in a magazine, and for every ten you bought you got one hundred free!!!  
  
Jesse: And how many did you pay for?  
  
Mondo: Only about six million.  
  
Delivery Man: **opening the door and walking in** I believe one Mondo of Roketto Dan, what the hell is that?, ordered these. **Dumps a huge box on the floor.**  
  
Jesse: Mondo?  
  
Delivery Man: There're a few more boxes outside.  
  
Jesse: Noooo! Take them back!  
  
Delivery Man: Sorry, can't do that.  
  
Jesse: Mondo, where did you get the money for them?  
  
Mondo: I… borrowed it. From you. And James. And Musashi and Kojiro.  
  
Jesse: MONDO!!!  
  
Mondo: I'm sorry…  
  
James: It's okay Jess, all we need to do is work out what we could do with these post-it notes.  
  
Jesse: Use them to stick Mondo to a chair with his hands tied up so he can't waste any more money? Or steal it?  
  
Mondo: Jessica, this is Team Rocket. We're based on stealing.  
  
Jesse: Not from us. We're your teammates!  
  
Mondo: Yes… but Jesse… I thought you might want… post-it notes…  
  
Jesse: NO!  
  
Misty: Does your whole LIFE revolve around those damn post-it notes? They're just bits of yellow paper with glue on the back!!!  
  
Jesse: Correction. There's not enough glue to count that as part of anything.  
  
Misty: Oh, well sorree. But can we forget this post-it note stuff already?  
  
Jesse: No, because Mondo spent all my money on those damn post-it notes.  
  
James: And mine!  
  
Misty: It seems strangely like something Ash would do.  
  
Ash: What does?  
  
Misty: Buying countless post-it notes with someone else's money.  
  
Ash: I would not!  
  
Misty: Yes you would!  
  
Ash: Not!  
  
Misty: Would!  
  
Ash: Not!  
  
Misty: Would!  
  
Ash: Not!  
  
Misty: Would!  
  
Ash: Not!  
  
Misty: Would!  
  
Brock: Who cares???  
  
Misty: I don't.  
  
Ash: I do. You insulted me!  
  
Misty: Did not!  
  
Ash: Did!  
  
Misty: Not!  
  
Ash: Did!!!  
  
Jesse: SHUT UUUUUP!!!  
  
Sarah: I think I'm running out of ideas. This is page… SEVENTY-THREE??? Ho, boy…  
  
Misty: No wonder you're running out of ideas.  
  
Sarah: yeah, so come on guys, I… ah… I know… actually I've used it before in fics that (I hope) have disappeared deep into the centre of the earth.  
  
Brock: I really don't like the sound of it.  
  
Sarah: Oh, I think it could help you get a girlfriend, Brock.  
  
Misty: Now I REALLY don't like the sound of this.  
  
Sarah: Oh, you… might. **Clicks her fingers… well, she would if she could, and the door opens and Someone walks in. Someone is about 16, has shoulder length orange-y hair, pale blue jeans, a pale yellow t-shirt, and red trainers…** Yes… **nods**  
  
Brock: Wow she is REALLY cute!!!  
  
Misty: Sarah…  
  
Someone: Sarah… who's Sarah? Where am I? What have you done?  
  
Brock: Hey do you want to know my name my age my phone number my email address and everything else about me?  
  
Someone: No. I have a boyfriend. And he's quite a bit more… mature than you.  
  
Sarah: I wouldn't count on that.  
  
Someone: Why? Ah. Suddenly I have an idea of what happened. Where's Togetic?  
  
Misty: Sar-rah, you have a LOT of explaining to do…  
  
Sarah: Yes, well, anyway, she wants Togetic, and since her friends Brock and Ash have it, it's only fair to invite them in…  
  
Future Ash (just picture him as older, 'k?): You looking for us?  
  
Misty: He looks… different when he's fifteen.  
  
Future Brock (same as with Ash): What's going on? And he's Togetic, so stop yelling about it!!  
  
Future Misty (we all know who she is now…): I wasn't yelling! And thank you. **Hugs future Brock**  
  
Misty: SARAH!!!!!!!!  
  
Sarah: Look, I was running out of ideas!!!  
  
Future Ash: Pikachu? Oh, there you are.  
  
Ash: Why are there lots of Pichu following Pikachu?  
  
Sarah: Well, Pikachu had lots of baby Pichu…  
  
Misty: This is too weird. Get them out of here!  
  
Sarah: Okay. It's confusing me anyway. Get out now.  
  
Future Misty, Future Ash, and Future Brock: **leave**  
  
Sarah: Now, where were we?  
  
Jesse: Oh, Mondo!!!  
  
Misty: What's he done now?  
  
Jesse: Only gone and stuck up more post-it notes while we were all talking to you… well, you in a few years time, AND got Ash to help him.  
  
Ash: **standing in a pile of post-it notes** It wasn't me.  
  
Mondo: I had nothing to do with any of this.  
  
Ash: No, me neither.  
  
Misty: Really?  
  
Ash: I don't know who was playing with post-it notes but it wasn't me.  
  
Mondo: **nudging Ash** And it definitely wasn't me.  
  
Ash: No, it wasn't Mondo either.  
  
Misty: Ash…  
  
Ash: What?  
  
Misty: Clear it up. Now.  
  
Jesse: And you, Mondo.  
  
Ash: Why do we have to do it?  
  
Mondo: **scooping notes into a bucket** I know, it isn't fair…  
  
Ash: Why should we? Let's… fight with it instead!  
  
Mondo: Yeah!! **throws a handful at Ash**  
  
Ash: **throws some at Mondo and then some at Gary**  
  
Gary: Hey! **throws some back, and then chucks a load at Butch**  
  
Butch: **throws some at Todd**  
  
Todd: **throws screwed-up post-it notes in all directions**  
  
Jesse: **gets hit with a screwed-up yellow ball, sighs, and joins in**  
  
Misty: You stupid peo—**gets hit in the side of the face** That's it. Now I'm mad. **Goes mental chucking the paper back**  
  
Mondo: **dives down behind a table that just happens to be on its side and starts to throw paper from safety**  
  
James: Hey, that's not fair!!!  
  
Jesse: Who said anything about fair?  
  
James: Hey Jesse, don't stuff paper down my back…  
  
Misty: I think this getting a bit out of hand—**gets hit** Todd you will die now! **chases Todd with a handful of paper**  
  
Todd: Argh! Madwoman!  
  
Misty: Bwhahahaha!  
  
Todd: Help!!!!  
  
Tracey: Keep her… away from… me…  
  
Butch: Hey, jumping on people isn't fair, Cass!  
  
Cassidy: It's not SUPPOSED to be fair!!!  
  
Brock: Hello? People? No one's after me—arrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!  
  
Gary: This is stupid— **gets hit** Ashy-Boy you're not getting away with that!!!  
  
Ash: Help me, someone, Gary's chasing me!!!!!!  
  
Jesse: Mondo you wimp, stop hiding behind the table!!!!  
  
Sarah: I am NOT going to get involved.  
  
Ash: **throws paper at Sarah**  
  
Sarah: That is it. Look out Ash, I'm going to… murder you… if no one else does first.  
  
Misty: Hey! He's mine! I want to kill him!!!  
  
Sarah: Oh, fair enough.  
  
Mondo: Hey, I'm not a wimp!  
  
Jesse: But you're hiding behind a table.  
  
Mondo: Yes, but—Jesse look out behind you!!!  
  
Jesse: There's no one there…  
  
Mondo: **chucks about one hundred screwed-up post-it notes** Ha, got you!  
  
Jesse: Oh, you little…  
  
Butch: Don't you think we better stop no—ooowwwww!!! Oh, you will pay for that, Ash Ketchum, you stupid twerp!  
  
Jesse: Yeah, come on, this is childish, and immature, and **gets hit smack in the face** I'm going to kill you Cassidy!!!  
  
Todd: Help! Help! Stop this… mad… thing!!! Stop her!!!  
  
Misty: Hahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
Brock: Misty, leave poor Todd alone!!!  
  
Misty: No!!!  
  
Brock: Uh oh…  
  
Jesse: Is she on drugs or something? I'm going to have a rest.  
  
James: Yeah **puff** me too **pant**. Running around is hard work.  
  
Brock: We should all stop for a while…  
  
Misty: No! Never!  
  
Todd: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllp!!!  
  
Misty: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Jesse: She is on drugs, isn't she.  
  
Brock: Most likely.  
  
Misty: Hahahahahahahahaha, die Todd die!!!  
  
Todd: **running** Help me!!! Someone stooooopppppppppppp her!!!  
  
Misty: Hahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
Todd: Why aren't you stopping her?  
  
James: This reminds me of someone… Jessebelle… chasing me… with a whip…  
  
Brock: She'll calm down soon. She has to vent her anger.  
  
Todd: How soon?  
  
Brock: Oh, a few hours, I expect.  
  
Todd: HOURS???  
  
Misty: Bwhahahahahahahahaha, DIE!!!  
  
Jesse: Does she often do this?  
  
Brock: When things have been a bit stressful. Normally when Sarah's been writing her into a fic.  
  
Jesse: Shouldn't she see someone about it? A doctor or something?  
  
Brock: Well, we can't afford that, what with our splurging on mad things like unwanted "items".  
  
Jesse: Oh.  
  
Todd: Heeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllp!!!!!!!!  
  
Brock: We'd love to, but there's no way of stopping her.  
  
Jesse: Are we just going to sit here and politely discuss… stuff, while she tortures Todd???  
  
Brock: Yeah, pretty much.  
  
Todd: HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!  
  
Misty: **gets a large axe and a chainsaw** Bwahahahahahahahaha!  
  
James: Are you sure you shouldn't stop her?  
  
Brock: It's okay. She's only killed four people that way.  
  
Todd: KILLED??? FOUR???  
  
Jesse: It's all right Todd, you don't have that many fans anyway.  
  
Todd: Hey! So why isn't she chasing Tracey?  
  
Brock: Sarah doesn't want to get sued by Tracey's fan.  
  
Todd: What about miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine?  
  
Brock: Put it this way. You don't have ANY!!!  
  
Todd: **still running round the room** But… how can I not have ANY?  
  
Brock: How many episodes were you in? Three?  
  
Todd: I think **puff** it was **pant** two.  
  
Brock: I rest my case.  
  
Misty: Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Ash: That laugh is creeping me out.  
  
James: Me too.  
  
Jesse: Well, while we're waiting, we could do something rather than just sit here.  
  
Brock: **whispers something in Jesse's ear**  
  
Jesse: No Brock you sick minded weirdo, I didn't mean like that.  
  
Brock: **disappointedly** Ohhhhhh…  
  
James: Someone stop her, I'm getting dizzy watching her.  
  
Brock: Yeah, okay. Misty, show's over, leave Todd alone now.  
  
Misty: **slowing down** Why?  
  
Brock: Because… because…  
  
Misty: Oh, it's okay; I'm bored of it now.  
  
Brock: **to Jesse** She means the affect of the drugs has stopped.  
  
Misty: I am NOT on drugs!!!  
  
Brock: Misty, why deny it? We all know that you—  
  
Misty: Okay, okay, but I'm not the only one.  
  
Ash: Why's everyone looking at me?  
  
Jesse: Yes, and now we have established that most of us are on drugs, can we please talk about something that people will find interesting?  
  
Brock: Why? What we talk about is none of their business.  
  
Jesse: Yes but then they'll stop reading and Sarah will get annoyed at us.  
  
Brock: So?  
  
Jesse: Teletubby Land.  
  
Brock: I'll be interesting, I'll be interesting…  
  
Jesse: So…  
  
Misty: Has anyone noticed how biased our writer is?  
  
Brock: What d'you mean?  
  
Misty: Eldershipping, **gulp** Gymshipping, Rocketshipping, Neoshipping and Jesse-Brocketshipping.  
  
Brock: I suppose… who on earth believes in Jesse-Brocketshipping?  
  
Sarah: Not me.  
  
Brock: You managed to write about it though.  
  
Sarah: Well, there's the covering up your feelings idea, and then… it's sort of cute.  
  
James: Hmph. What about me?  
  
Sarah: It's all right James, I'll write you in a relationship with Brock soon enough.  
  
James: Good.  
  
Misty: Everyday you become less Pokéshippy (yuck) and less Rocketshippy.  
  
Sarah: I know, but they were the original shippings I discovered. Besides, next *real* episode I watch might change my mind.  
  
Misty: Oh, fine. Next thing I know you might be pairing me up with Prof. Oak.  
  
Sarah: Nah, I wouldn't do that.  
  
Misty: Good.  
  
Sarah: I'm complete 100% on Eldershipping for now. But almost anyone else…  
  
Misty: ANYONE else?  
  
Sarah: Yep.  
  
Misty: Absolutely anyone?  
  
Sarah: They paired you up with Ash, how much worse can it get?  
  
Misty: Ah, so true.  
  
Ash: And what is so wrong with me?  
  
Misty: Maybe I just don't want to go out with you?  
  
Ash: Oh, fair enough.  
  
Sarah: As much as you love to talk about Pokéshipping, it is BORING! So shut up!  
  
Misty: I don't love to talk about Pokéshipping! I don't love anything!  
  
Brock: Except Golduck.  
  
Misty: Well, yes…  
  
Ash: And French things…  
  
Misty: Well…  
  
Tracey: Water Pokémon.  
  
James: That gym leader… Danny.  
  
Jesse: Anything romantic.  
  
Butch: Yourself.  
  
Misty: I do not love myself!!! Well, actually…  
  
Butch: She's as bad as James.  
  
James: I don't love myself!!! Though I do make a very cute girl…  
  
Jesse: **sigh**  
  
Misty: But the point is, I do NOT love Pokéshipping!!! Or Ash!!! That's just sick!!!  
  
Ash: Hey!  
  
Misty: Well, you know what I mean.  
  
Ash: No, I don't, but then I never do.  
  
Misty: **sigh** Whose dumb idea was it to make us work with those two idiots?  
  
Jesse: Don't ask me.  
  
Misty: Sarah…  
  
Sarah: Hey, they come as part of the package. You can't have Jesse without James. No Misty without Ash.  
  
Misty: People really think that? No way!  
  
Sarah: Yes, well, anyway, moving on…  
  
Misty: Well… I was just thinking about my bike…  
  
Ash: Uh oh…  
  
Misty: WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REPAY ME FOR MY BIKE???  
  
Ash: Why should I EVER pay for your bike?  
  
Misty: Because, you moron, you destroyed it!!!  
  
Ash: It was an accident! Besides, you didn't have to follow me!  
  
Misty: But I wanted my bike back!!!  
  
Ash: Well it was an ACCIDENT!!!  
  
Misty: It doesn't matter, I didn't destroy it; YOU DID!!!  
  
Ash: Well I didn't mean to!!!  
  
Misty: That doesn't get my bike back!  
  
Jesse: Are they always like this?  
  
Brock: Pretty much.  
  
Jesse: But doesn't that get annoying?  
  
Brock: Well, when no one else is looking I bash their heads together.  
  
Jesse: I think I would.  
  
James: I think if Meowth were bigger (and not at this moment unconscious somewhere), he'd do that to us.  
  
Jesse: True.  
  
Ash: I'm not EVER buying you a new bike!  
  
Brock: Calm down guys. When you get married I'll buy you a bike each.  
  
Misty: When?  
  
Ash: To her?  
  
Cassidy: Anti-gymshipper moment.  
  
Sarah: Maybe, maybe not.  
  
Cassidy: It's got to be anti-gymshippy, hasn't it?  
  
Sarah: Brock didn't say to each other. And of course, there's a little thing called covering up feelings for people…  
  
Cassidy: I suppose.  
  
Sarah: AND Brock was trying to make them shut up.  
  
Brock: And they've both shut up now, you realise.  
  
Jesse: Oh, so it works.  
  
Brock: Yes.  
  
Jesse: Well, that's, uh… good.  
  
Brock: Yes it… is.  
  
Jesse: Is it just me or are we running out of things to say?  
  
Brock: After 81 pages, I'd say we were running out of things to say.  
  
Sarah: Keep going guys, you can make it to one hundred pages!!!  
  
Brock: Sarah?  
  
Sarah: Yes?  
  
Brock: You sound exactly like your PE teacher yelling at you when you're doing athletics.  
  
Sarah: Yes, well, anyway, I have something for you to talk about!!!  
  
Brock: What???  
  
Sarah: Shippings!!!  
  
Everyone except Sarah: **falls over animé-style in a big heap with everyone's legs in the air and who-knows where else and… stop that now**  
  
Brock: We've discussed it a million times.  
  
Sarah: Todd?  
  
Todd: You wanted this picture?  
  
  
  
(For anyone who is seeing this on Fanfiction.net or something, it's that Ghost Of Maiden's Peak piccie that is very James-Brocketshippy)  
  
Brock: Oh, why do I think a nightmare is coming back to haunt me?  
  
Misty: And there was me thinking that you kept calling it a wonderful dream at the time.  
  
Brock: But not THIS!!!  
  
Jesse: I still don't see why my partner has to be so embarrassing.  
  
Cassidy: Yes, but Jess, it IS hilariously funny.  
  
Jesse: You wouldn't say that if you had to work with him. I'll swap him for Butch one day, and you can see what it's like.  
  
James: No, Jesse, I can't work with Cassidy! I can't live without you!!!  
  
Jesse: James, let go of my leg. Or at least move your hands down a bit.  
  
James: You're the only person in the world who lets me wear her clothes!!!  
  
Jesse: So that's what you like best about me.  
  
James: And you let me grab your leg…  
  
Jesse: Yes, and (on the same day you did that… thing, with Brock), you practically had your hands up my skirt. And my skirt is not long.  
  
James: I couldn't help it!  
  
Misty: I did wonder why you were pulling those faces, but if James did have his hand up your skirt…  
  
Jesse: He's had it up my top as well.  
  
James: You're always hitting me…  
  
Jesse: You're still complete sick, James.  
  
James: I am not!!!  
  
Jesse: Stop making out you're completely innocent when you can't keep your hands off me!!!  
  
James: And YOU ought to back track a few pages to where Misty kisses Ash, and ooh lookie, what does Jesse do to ME?  
  
Jesse: That was just to make Sarah have a nervous breakdown.  
  
James: Hmph.  
  
Jesse: Either way, keep your hands off me.  
  
James: I thought you liked our fear hugs and happy hugs and just plain hugs?  
  
Jesse: Not any more. Cassie, you want him?  
  
Cassidy: Urgh, no thanks.  
  
James: **wails and cries**  
  
Jesse: Hmph.  
  
Misty: Jesse, you were totally in love with that guy a few minutes ago.  
  
Brock: She's just like you, Misty. Keeps changing her mind.  
  
Sarah: I'm so confused. I think half the stuff I've written here contradicts the other half!!! And I never meant for James to be portrayed as a complete sicko!  
  
Jesse: Well, he is.  
  
Misty: **sigh** Brock can be pretty sick too.  
  
Jesse: I KNOW! You should hear half the things he's said to me today.  
  
Misty: Yes, but the point is—  
  
Jesse: Not as bad as James though.  
  
Misty: Shut up now Jesse.  
  
Jesse: When we get to one hundred pages, this STOPS! Right? No more! We quit!  
  
Gary: Yeah, my contract runs out on page 100 anyway.  
  
Sarah: **jumps** Oh, I forgot you were still here Gary.  
  
Misty: I'm sick of this, I'm going on strike.  
  
James: **is currently crying in the corner**  
  
Sarah: I'll get Prof. Ivy in…  
  
Brock: **sits in the corner with James, looking blue and twitching and muttering to himself, which is just weird unless Prof. Ivy actually did r— shut up now.**  
  
Jesse: Well, I'm going on strike too.  
  
Gary: You've practically left me out completely. Forget it, I'm going on strike too.  
  
Tracey: You hate me! I'm striking too!  
  
Ash: I don't know what going on strike is but everyone else is doing it.  
  
Misty: Wondeful idea Ash. "I'll do it because everyone else is doing it."  
  
Mondo: If Jesse and James are, I better too.  
  
Todd: You tortured me! I'm striking too!!!  
  
Sarah: Oh, for goodness sake…  
  
Cassidy: Butch?  
  
Butch: Sure.  
  
Sarah: But that leaves me with… no one!!!  
  
Everyone except Sarah: **tramples Sarah to death (well, not to death, in that pain-for-two-milliseconds animé-way) waving signs**  
  
Sarah: Ow.  
  
Misty: Well, we're outta here! Byyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee!  
  
Jesse: I'm sorry James!!! It was Sarah's fault! I love you James!!! **hugs**  
  
James: I love you too Jesse!!!  
  
Jesse: Well, we're off!!!  
  
Sarah: Wait, you forgot… Meowth.  
  
Meowth: Where am I? My head hurts.  
  
Sarah: No! I'm ruined!!!! All I have is Meowth and he has a hangover! It wasn't meant to end this way!!! Ohhhhhh… I HATE YOU!!! YOU GUYS RUINED MY FIC AND YOU'VE GONE NOW SO I CAN'T YELL AT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT HERE, BUT I HOPE YOU ALL DIE BECAUSE YOU RUINED MY FIC AND—that's never gonna work. COME BACK!!! I LOVE YOU… well, maybe not Pikachu. Or Misty or Jesse or Cassidy. Or Ash. Or Todd. And definitely not Tracey. But… COME BAAAAAAAAACK YOU BAKA FREAKS!!!  
  
Meowth: Shuddup, my head hurts.  
  
Sarah: I don't care, you stupid fleabag, go AWAY!!! **kicks Meowth "blasting off again"**  
  
Meowth: I'll sue you for Pokémon abuse!!!  
  
Sarah: Good lord, what happened? James isn't a baka freak! Well, he is, but that is beside the point. Same with Brock, and Butch, and… I can't keep this fic going with just me. **sniff** Goodbye.  
  
Ash: Sarah, are you crying?  
  
Sarah: NO I'M NOT CRYING!!! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE???  
  
Ash: I was… just… leaving…  
  
Sarah: Good. No wait, DON'T GO!!! I NEED YOU!!! I never thought I'd say that to Ash, but there you go.  
  
Ash: Um…  
  
Misty: Ash what are you DOING???  
  
Ash: Talking to Sarah.  
  
Misty: WHY???  
  
Ash: I don't know, she was upset because we all ran off and left her and this never got to page one hundred.  
  
Misty: Fine.  
  
Jesse: What's going on?  
  
Ash: What is this, the meeting of all girls with some version of red hair?  
  
James: **appears wearing a long red wig**  
  
Sarah: Much as I hate to say it, yes.  
  
Brock: What's going on?  
  
Sarah: Nothing.  
  
Brock: Are you trying to get to page one hundred?  
  
Sarah: NOOOOOOOO!!! Well, yes. But I don't have any ideas.  
  
Brock: Oh, well you could… put in some more characters.  
  
Sarah: No way, that idea is sooo overused now.  
  
Misty: Hmm… well you could…  
  
Sarah: I could give up for today, I've done… **counts** Eight or nine pages today when I'd already run out of ideas. Though I did chuck a picture in.  
  
Misty: Yes, well, we could…  
  
Brock: Someone could… run about naked… **eyes Jesse**  
  
Jesse: **chucking a pillow at Brock** Don't even think about it.  
  
Brock: Well, what do YOU want to do?  
  
Jesse: I don't know.  
  
Cassidy: Can I take Butch's pants off? They're messing up my hair.  
  
Jesse: Ah yeah, I forgot you still had those on your head.  
  
Cassidy: So did I.  
  
Butch: Can I have them back now?  
  
Cassidy: Yeah, sure. Have them.  
  
Brock: So, what are we going to do?  
  
Misty: We could trash a supermarket…  
  
Brock: Yeah, sure. Hey, where's Tracey? Everyone else is here…  
  
Misty: He's GONE!!! YESSSSSSSSS!!! Whooo!!! Party time!!!  
  
Jesse: This has been just one big party ANYWAY…  
  
Brock: So true. So what ARE we going to do?  
  
Ash: Well, we COULD trash something…  
  
Gary: I'm with the trashing on this one.  
  
Sarah: Oh yeah, go guys, vandalise something and then leave me to pay for it.  
  
Cassidy: That was the original plan.  
  
Jesse: What the…? Oh great, I still have post-it notes in my hair!!!  
  
Sarah: Well, don't do that.  
  
Mondo: Well, have you got a better idea?  
  
Sarah: Well… no.  
  
Ash: But then, if we get caught, we'll get a criminal record!!!  
  
Jesse: Welcome to the real world, kid.  
  
Brock: **singing/muttering** Jenny, oh Jenny, Joy, ohh Joy…  
  
Misty: Brock?  
  
Brock: What?  
  
Misty: Shut up.  
  
Jesse: I guess this is my life now. Hanging out with the Twerps and **glares at Cassidy** her. Doing nothing.  
  
Misty: Hey, it isn't that bad. I have to live with Ash twenty-four seven.  
  
Jesse: **shudders** At least I only have to put up with James.  
  
Misty: Well, at least Ash doesn't ever want to borrow my clothes. At least not yet.  
  
Ash: Misty?  
  
Misty: Don't even think about it.  
  
Ash: Misty, I wouldn't WANT to wear your evil shrunk-in-the-wash-if-you- ever-washed-them clothes.  
  
Misty: Good.  
  
Ash: They're so ugly I don't know why you even want to wear them.  
  
Misty: Why you little… **chases him with her mallet**  
  
Brock: Why is this so normal for us?  
  
Jesse: I don't know, but this is the sort of thing that happens to me and James and Meowth. Where is Meowth, anyway?  
  
Sarah: **mutters something about "he went off somewhere with a headache"**  
  
Brock: Misty, calm down. You've already done that once today.  
  
Misty: Yeah, but not to Ash.  
  
Brock: Do you have to be so violent?  
  
Misty: Do you have to be so un-violent?  
  
James: Shut up.  
  
Sarah: Yeah, no violence, okay guys?  
  
Jesse: **shocked** No violence???  
  
Sarah: Yes, no violence.  
  
Jesse: But… but…  
  
James: If she's not being violent… well, who knows what might happen.  
  
Misty: Hmph. So what are we supposed to do? Just sit here?  
  
Sarah: Yes, you do that.  
  
Ash: Yes but Sarah, this is boring.  
  
Sarah: **busily looking at her nails in a bored way** Hm?  
  
Ash: This is BORING!  
  
Sarah: Live with it.  
  
Ash: Aw, but Sar-rah…  
  
Kayleigh: Hi guys!  
  
Jesse: Who the heck are you?  
  
Kayleigh: Kayleigh! **Getting no response** You know… Kayleigh?  
  
Jesse: We don't know you. Go away.  
  
Cassidy: No, wait. Do you have any Pokémon?  
  
Kayleigh: No. Hey, why is your hair so weird? It looks like you've been wearing pants on your head!!!  
  
Everyone except Kayleigh: **falls over animé-style**  
  
Kayleigh: Well…  
  
Sarah: Don't you start that or I'll have to find you something to do… with Ash.  
  
Kayleigh: Hey, you're writing this, so I'm not in control… no! I want to be a writer, not a character!  
  
Sarah: **in a creepy voice** I am in control now. Do not try to resist me or I will make it much worse for you…  
  
Kayleigh: Why am I here anyway?  
  
Sarah: You know you wanted to be.  
  
Misty: Quit that weird voice and both of you shut up, no one wants to hear you two all day!!!  
  
Cassidy: Have you got any Pokémon? If you have give them here then I can steal them!!!  
  
Kayleigh: I-I don't have any Pokémon, I just…  
  
Cassidy: Are you sure?  
  
Kayleigh: No! I mean yes! I mean… oh I don't know. Jigglypuff is evil!!!  
  
Misty: It is NOT, it's cute!  
  
Brock: Misty, we know what your judgement is like on cute and evil.  
  
Misty: That was once!  
  
Brock: Yeah, and it still nearly got us killed.  
  
Misty: Ash found the egg!  
  
Ash: And Brock looked after it.  
  
Brock: Misty brought it up. Like mother like daughter, or son, or whatever it was, it was all hidden in its shell.  
  
Misty: ARE YOU CALLING ME EVIL???  
  
Brock: No… no, I was just saying that I think that…  
  
Misty: Yes…  
  
Brock: No, forget it.  
  
Misty: **dangerously** You were calling me evil, weren't you…  
  
Brock: No, I… yes.  
  
Misty: For that you will be punished…  
  
Sarah: Misty, please. The hospital can't keep up.  
  
Misty: This is animé; no one stays hurt for long.  
  
Kayleigh: How did I end up in a TV show???  
  
Sarah: I put you there.  
  
Kayleigh: And how did you get here?  
  
Sarah: That I don't know.  
  
Brock: So we're just going to sit here all day?  
  
Mondo: We could talk about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  
  
Jesse: Why Mondo? Why?  
  
Mondo: Because I like them. Does anyone have one?  
  
Brock: Normally I would, but due to the plot twist of a food shortage, I haven't got anything. Sorry.  
  
Mondo: Well, I might have to order some more post-it notes then.  
  
Jesse: NO!!! Especially not with my money.  
  
Mondo: Aw, Jesse…  
  
Jesse: NO!!!  
  
James: Would it be my money too?  
  
Jesse: It's too late; he's already spent all your money.  
  
James: Mondo you little brat, why did you take my money?  
  
Jesse: We've been through this already. He said he wouldn't do it again.  
  
Misty: But then he said he WOULD do it again.  
  
Jesse: When?  
  
Misty: A few lines up. Well, he didn't, but since he has no money it's pretty obvious where it's gonna come from.  
  
Jesse: We could have yours!  
  
Misty: What? Oh, no…  
  
Jesse: Oh come on, you Twerps are rich! I don't know how, but you are.  
  
Misty: We're the good guys.  
  
Jesse: Just because the writers favour you…  
  
Sarah: I'm not in favour of the Twerps. But I have to vaguely follow certain stuff.  
  
Jesse: Oh great.  
  
Sarah: Well I have to! Otherwise I might as well invent my own characters and then it wouldn't be fanfiction anymore.  
  
Misty: Why change anything? I like it the way things are.  
  
Sarah: No one was asking you.  
  
Jesse: Yeah, it had NOTHING to do with you, Twerp!  
  
Sarah: Just stay outta things that don't involve you!  
  
Misty: You're the one interfering!  
  
Brock: Uh oh…  
  
Kayleigh: Brock, do you think we should… leave now?  
  
Sarah: How am I interfering exactly?  
  
Jesse: You're writing this fanfics ALL wrong!  
  
Sarah: I'd like to see you do better!  
  
Ash: Shut up all three of you!  
  
Sarah, Misty, and Jesse: Hmph.  
  
James: This is boring.  
  
Sarah: Hey everyone, page NINETY-ONE!!! YESSSSSSSSSS!!!  
  
Cassidy: Calm down, it's only like, us rambling on for ninety-one pages.  
  
Butch: It's not exactly interesting.  
  
Kayleigh: It IS quite funny though.  
  
Sarah: It scares me.  
  
Misty: Oh yeah. Scary. Run, Sarah! Run for the hills! Your fanfiction is coming!  
  
Sarah: Still better than quick Misty! Run for the hills! It's a Caterpie!  
  
Misty: I just don't like bug Pokémon.  
  
Sarah: You mean you're scared of them.  
  
Misty: I am not!  
  
Sarah: Are. You're scared of silly little bug Pokémon!!!  
  
Brock: Sarah, this is about us. Not about you.  
  
Sarah: Oh yeah. So I shut up now?  
  
Brock: Yeah.  
  
**long silence**  
  
Brock: Well? Hey Sarah, we're not doing anything.  
  
Sarah: You told me to shut up.  
  
Brock: Write the damn fanfiction without making anymore guest appearances!  
  
Sarah: Oh all right then.  
  
Cassidy: Okay, who was that?  
  
Jesse: Who was what?  
  
Cassidy: SOMEONE pinched my arse.  
  
Sarah: Kayleigh!  
  
Cassidy: Kayleigh did it?  
  
Sarah: Nah, but it was Kayleigh's idea. It was Butch.  
  
Butch: Hey, it wasn't me!  
  
James: Uhh…  
  
Jesse: James it was you, wasn't it?  
  
James: Well… yes.  
  
Cassidy: James you will die now.  
  
James: I'm sorry…  
  
Cassidy: **Grabbing a mallet** Sorry isn't good enough!!!  
  
Jesse: Can I help?  
  
Misty: And me!  
  
James: Help, I'm being chased by mad mallet-welding women!  
  
Jessebelle: What are you doing to James?  
  
Cassidy: Killing him.  
  
Jessebelle: Can I help?  
  
Cassidy: Do you have a mallet?  
  
Jessebelle: Of course.  
  
Cassidy: Then of course you can.  
  
James: Help me someone! They're madwomen!  
  
Jesse: Yes, so?  
  
James: Come on guys, HELP!!!  
  
Mondo: Stand up for yourself for once.  
  
James: But there's four of them!  
  
Brock: Well, maybe we should go for a pizza or something.  
  
James: No don't leave me!!!  
  
Gary: I'm going. I don't know why I was hanging out with you losers anyway.  
  
Sarah: Hang on; I need to keep track of who's here. Jesse, James, Butch, Cassidy, Mondo, Ash, Misty, Brock, and Jessebelle, right? No more, no less?  
  
Brock: I think so.  
  
Sarah: Good. Anyone I forgot about can just have melted, okay?  
  
Gary: I'm still here.  
  
Sarah: You said you were going. So go.  
  
Gary: Don't worry, I'm going. Smell ya later.  
  
James: They're still after me, and they've got mallets!!!  
  
Brock: Be a man for once James.  
  
James: I don't know how!!!  
  
Brock: Somehow I knew he'd say that.  
  
Sarah: Somehow I can't help but remember that Brock and James kissing picture…  
  
Brock: Hey we were NOT kissing!  
  
Mondo: It did look like you were though.  
  
Brock: Yes, but that ghost was controlling us!!!  
  
Kayleigh: **shaking her head** Any excuse.  
  
Brock: It's true!  
  
Sarah: You can't stop us, we're converting the whole world to James- Brocketshipping!!!  
  
Brock: You're evil!  
  
Sarah: Yeah, pretty much. Hey girls, wanna chase Brock too?  
  
Jesse: You want to?  
  
Cassidy: Yeah, why not.  
  
Brock: No leave us ALONE you mad freaks!!!  
  
James: Yeah go away!!!  
  
Misty: We wouldn't do that. We're having too much fun.  
  
James: Helllp!  
  
Brock: Hellllp!  
  
Mondo: Are you sure that's a good idea?  
  
Sarah: Nope, but who's to tell me it isn't?  
  
Brock: Us!!!  
  
Sarah: You don't count.  
  
James; Oh, great.  
  
Sarah: Well come on, I have to have some fun.  
  
Brock: Why does it involve torturing ussssssss???  
  
Sarah: Well, you know, that's just the way life is.  
  
Brock: Hmph.  
  
Kayleigh: It's getting a bit boring just watching those four chase James and Brock around in circles… in fact I'm starting to feel dizzy.  
  
Sarah: You're right. **hands Kayleigh a mallet** Let's join in!!!  
  
Kayleigh: Uh… alright.  
  
Mondo: You know what?  
  
Ash: What?  
  
Mondo: It'd be funny if we saw an alien.  
  
Jesse: **stopping** What are you on about now, Mondo?  
  
Misty: **also slowing down and stopping, and then Sarah, Kayleigh, Cassidy, and Jessebelle run into her and they all collapse in a heap on top of Jesse**  
  
Mondo: Well, I saw a flying saucer once.  
  
Jesse: Mondo, didn't your mother ever tell you it was wrong to tell lies???  
  
Mondo: No, I can't say that she did. Besides, this is true.  
  
Jesse: Sure it is.  
  
Mondo: It IS!!! It happened when I was—  
  
Misty: This'll be good.  
  
Mondo: Quit interrupting!!! I was out in the car with my parents when I was eight, and I saw this—  
  
Jesse: Plane.  
  
Mondo: It wasn't a plane! There was this red light hovering silently, and my dad suddenly looked up and saw it, and he had to slam on the brakes and nearly crashed the car. So we stared up at it, and it almost seemed to stare back. Then it flashed on and off three times, and then it whizzed off so quickly that Dad blinked and missed it.  
  
Cassidy: Yeah right Mondo.  
  
Ash: On the first day I was a Pokémon trainer—  
  
Misty: Not this again.  
  
Ash: I saw a really rare Pokémon. It looked like a great big bird, only it wasn't Articuno or Moltres or Zapdos or Lugia. It was sort of rainbow-y and huge and glowing and Dexter didn't know what it was.  
  
Misty: Ash, you were seeing things.  
  
Ash: I was NOT! And I saw Mew.  
  
Misty: Ash, you have never seen Mew. No one has.  
  
Ash: I did! You remember that time we went to some harbour for some unknown reason, and Nurse Joy went missing but the moment we got there she just reappeared, and there was a huge storm?  
  
Misty: Yeah, big deal. We never saw any rare Pokémon. You went round and boasted you could beat anyone there, as far as I remember, and you lost to a bug-type trainer.  
  
Ash: And then as we left, up in the sky I saw a Pokémon, I know it was Mew.  
  
Misty: You didn't know what it was then.  
  
Ash: I've thought about it, it was MEW!!!  
  
Misty: You've thought about it now.  
  
Ash: I did!  
  
Cassidy: When I was younger I was sure my house was haunted.  
  
Jesse: Yeah, you told me. I think I saw it actually.  
  
Cassidy: Oh, that must have been when you slept round and wet the b—  
  
Jesse: I have never done that in my life!!!  
  
Cassidy: You did and you know it.  
  
Butch: I was sure I saw a mermaid, but it turned out to be a Vaporeon.  
  
Brock: I don't think I've EVER had any kind of paranormal encounter.  
  
Misty: **hums the X-files music**  
  
Jesse: Shut up, that music is creepy.  
  
Misty: So? You guys get scared by a bit of music?  
  
Cassidy: Maybe Jesse'll wet herself again.  
  
Jesse: Shut up, so would you if you saw a ghost.  
  
Cassidy: Oh yeah, a Ghastly. A Pokémon. So scary.  
  
Jesse: No, a person-ghost.  
  
James: I got taken away by a person-ghost once.  
  
Jesse: That was a Ghastly.  
  
Misty: A talking Ghastly. I don't know why we didn't realise that it could talk at the time.  
  
Jesse: Yeah…  
  
James: It was still scary.  
  
Brock: I still love that woman…  
  
Misty: The old midget?  
  
Brock: No! The beautiful maiden…  
  
Misty: She died two thousand years ago you hopeless case.  
  
Brock: I don't care, I love her anyway…  
  
Misty: Thank you James. Look what you've started.  
  
James: It isn't my fault, he's always like this.  
  
Misty: I had to pay for seven weeks of therapy to end it last time! Do you have any idea how much that cost?  
  
James: Going by the amount of therapy I've had to have throughout my life, yes.  
  
Brock: Ooohhhh, it's not fair, why is she dead and me alive?  
  
Misty: **muttering** Please don't let him start on poetry, please God, not the poetry.  
  
James: Is he any good at poetry?  
  
Misty: It's so bad it's painful.  
  
James: That good huh?  
  
Misty: Ash writes better romantic poetry than Brock. That should give you a fair idea.  
  
Mondo: Ash writes romantic poetry?  
  
Misty: Once. I made him burn it in the campfire. I had to write it down for him though, since he can't write.  
  
Mondo: So what do you do with Brock's?  
  
Misty: Well, he won't let me near where he writes them down. He just memorises them and tells us them all the time.  
  
Mondo: And then?  
  
Misty: Well, it usually ends in a way too violent to be on kids' TV. That's why no one's ever seen it.  
  
Jesse: Interesting as the interview and Brock's life history is, shut up now.  
  
Mondo: I don't have any more post-it notes.  
  
Jesse: Good.  
  
Mondo: GOOD? I hate you Jesse.  
  
Jesse: That's a reli—I mean, oh Mondo, how could I live without you?  
  
James: Jesse? Shut up now.  
  
Brock: So, yes, anyway, now…  
  
Sarah: I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.  
  
Brock: So what do we do now?  
  
Misty: Beats me.  
  
Ash: I have a good idea!!  
  
Misty: That'll be a first.  
  
We **whispers the plan to the rest of the group**  
  
Two Minutes Later!!!  
  
Sarah **yawn** So what have to guys been—hey which one of you thought you were a Jigglypuff and scribbled all over my face????????  
  
Everyone except Sarah and Ash: **looks at Ash**  
  
Sarah: Ash you are a dead man. Uh… boy.  
  
Ash: It wasn't just me…  
  
Sarah: I don't think Ash is smart enough to come up with an idea like that.  
  
Misty: This time he did.  
  
Sarah: Well, it seems a little suspicious to me.  
  
Misty: Well, take it how you want. But this time it was Ash.  
  
Sarah: Okay, okay, I believe you.  
  
Jesse: Hey James, d'ya think you put Jessebelle off you when she saw you cross-dressing? She's been sitting here without saying a word to you…  
  
Cassidy: Oi, Jessebelle, you creep, leave Butch alone.  
  
Jesse: So that's what put her off James. Butch. Actually, I don't blame her.  
  
Jessebelle: You can't expect me to marry a cross-dresser!  
  
Jesse: Why not? People expect that of me all the time.  
  
Jessebelle: Yeah, but look at you.  
  
Jesse: Look in a mirror.  
  
Jessebelle: Yes, but you're—  
  
Jesse: I'm what? Go on, say it, say I'm poor. Say I grew up with no money, while you played in your mansion.  
  
Jessebelle: That wasn't what I meant!  
  
Jesse: Like hell it wasn't!  
  
James: Will you two shut up? If you're arguing about me—  
  
Jessebelle: We're not arguing over you, we're arguing about money.  
  
Jesse: You admit it. This is just because I'm poor and you're rich.  
  
Jessebelle: Look, it's just you don't deserve someone as rich as James. You're only after his money.  
  
Jesse: I'm not! But you are, you hypocrite!  
  
Ash: If you two don't shut up I'll end up with a headache like Psyduck.  
  
Misty: And that's about as good as Ash gets with similes.  
  
Ash: What is a hypocrite?  
  
Misty: It doesn't matter Ash.  
  
Brock: Someone get Ash a dictionary. It would save us a lot of time.  
  
Misty: Ash can't read.  
  
Brock: Oh yeah.  
  
Misty: So that would be a waste of time.  
  
Brock: I've realised that now. Sarah, are you just trying to fill space?  
  
Sarah: We're on page ninety-eight. Of course I am. And I'm stopping at page one hundred. I've decided.  
  
Kayleigh: **gasp** Why?  
  
Sarah: It's getting out of hand.  
  
Misty: Actually, you've got a point.  
  
Sarah: Of course I have. It's my fic, I'm always right.  
  
Misty: Well, I wouldn't agree with that…  
  
Sarah: Well, come on guys, I need something to fill TWO pages. Then I'll be at the end of page one hundred and I'll be happy.  
  
Brock: Yeah, well, we don't know what to do to fill two pages.  
  
Sarah: Keep going…  
  
Misty: I don't care. Can I leave early?  
  
Sarah: NO! We've nearly done it.  
  
Misty: I'm so glad you remember the "we" bit.  
  
Sarah: You guys are FICTIONAL characters.  
  
Kayleigh: I'm not! I'm real!  
  
Sarah: Ah yeah, so you are. But, anyway…  
  
Jesse: James, please give my lipstick back.  
  
James: Oh, but Jesse…  
  
Jesse: JAMES!!! How would you feel if I… if I… borrowed your razor?  
  
James: You do!  
  
Jesse: That isn't the point!  
  
James: We share underwear.  
  
Jesse: JAMES!!! Look, just leave my stuff alone. ESPECIALLY my underwear.  
  
James: Jesse, it isn't ONLY me, it's you as well…  
  
Cassidy: Okay, shut up now. You're acting like a married couple.  
  
Jesse: We are NOT!  
  
James: Err, Jesse? I think we are.  
  
Jesse: You're supposed to be on MY side!  
  
James: Sorry.  
  
Jesse: You should be. Anyway Cass, you wore Butch's underpants on your HEAD…  
  
Cassidy: Not out of choice! I hope they were clean…  
  
Butch: But Cassie, I don't think there are washing machines on whatever planet this is…  
  
Sarah: Wherever it is, it isn't earth.  
  
Kayleigh: Where'd you come up with that idea?  
  
Sarah: Well, ever seen Charizard do Seismic Toss? You can often see a planet that is blue and green with clouds round it behind him—and earth is the only planet that fits that description.  
  
Misty: Well, how comes we have Vegas? And China?  
  
Sarah: Don't ask me.  
  
Cassidy: That means they're not clean, doesn't it?  
  
Butch: Well… yes.  
  
Cassidy: Ew.  
  
Jesse: Sarah? Page one hundred?  
  
Sarah: One hundred pages is at the BOTTOM of page one hundred.  
  
Brock: D'oh!  
  
Misty: Well, anyway, I'm getting sick of this. Can you please hurry up and end it?  
  
Sarah: Okay, okay.  
  
Ash: Why is it only 100 pages at the bottom of page 100?  
  
Sarah: Because it is.  
  
Ash: Why is the sky blue?  
  
Sarah: Because it is.  
  
Ash: So why is bird poo white?  
  
Sarah: BECAUSE IT IS!!!  
  
Misty: We have to put up with this every day.  
  
Sarah: I feel immensely sorry for you.  
  
Misty: You sort of get used to it. And you can take advantage of it.  
  
Sarah: Oh yeah. I know. I do that with my brother.  
  
Brock: It's pretty useful when no one else wants a job, or you just want to get rid of him.  
  
Ash: Hey, do you use me?  
  
Brock: Yes.  
  
Ash: Okay then. Hey!  
  
Misty: Sarah, have you been watching The Simpsons again?  
  
Brock: Yeah, there does seem to be a lot of Simpsons influence on this recently…  
  
Sarah: Okay, so I've been watching it all day. Big deal.  
  
Misty: Come on, this is Pokémon, not The Simpsons.  
  
Sarah: Okay, okay, I'm just trying to stretch it a little further…  
  
Misty: Oh.  
  
Sarah: OH MY GOD!!! We DID IT!!! PAGE ONE HUNDRED!!!  
  
Everyone: YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Sarah: Okay, I'd like to thank, in order of appearance, Ash, Jesse, Misty, James, Brock, Tracey, Cassidy, Butch, Gary, Myself (ha), Mrs Ketchum, Professor Oak, Flint, Giovanni, Mateo, Koga, Captain Ayden, Todd, those Pokéshippers, the Gymshippers, the B*tchshippers, the Orangeshippers, the Egoshippers, the Opressionshippers, the Bouldershippers, the Palletshippers, Pikachu, the Pikashippers, the Brock Harrison Show audience, the Tracey supporter, Psyduck, Officer Jenny, the other Pokéshipper, Jessebelle, Togepi, Nurse Joy, Meowth, Mondo, Chansey, Blissey, Jigglypuff, Dexter, Kojiro, Daisy, Lily, Violet, the Delivery Man, Future Misty, Future Ash, Future Brock, and of course Kayleigh. Now that everyone's returned, I'd love it if you'd all make a speech…  
  
Ash: Uh, a speech, well, I've enjoyed this, I'm going to be the NUMBER ONE trainer!!! The best in the whole world!!!  
  
Jesse: Well… it was nice people could see a different side of me… back to chasing Pikachu soon of course… it's been great.  
  
Misty: I WAS ONLY KISSING ASH TO MAKE HIM SHUT UP!!! IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!! I'm just glad I could chase people with a mallet. That was fun.  
  
James: I just enjoyed the cross-dressing. I hope you all loved my bikini picture!  
  
Brock: Well… I loved having my own show, that's something I could maybe going into when I'm older, although I'd stay a breeder. I'd like to thank Misty for all the therapy she's paid for in all the time I've known her and Ash.  
  
Tracey: Oh… keep sketching, Tracey fans! And Professor Oak, you're great! You're my hero!  
  
Cassidy: The Boss won't be pleased we didn't get any Pokémon… but I did have fun. Maybe one day Jesse and me could even be friends again. I sort of… enjoyed being with her.  
  
Butch: It's been great to be a character in a fic without being a really bad guy… I like the humour stuff too.  
  
Gary: I'm much better than these guys, of course… but I guess I had fun too.  
  
Sarah: It was fun. Thank you again.  
  
Mrs Ketchum: I'm going to find out who Ash's real father is. We'll be telling all you fans soon!!!  
  
Prof. Oak: Eldershipping forever! **cough** I'm really only sixty. Not six hundred. I wasn't around before the Kabuto died out.  
  
Flint: Err, I haven't been in many fanfictions before… it's nice to be in it, I suppose…  
  
Giovanni: It was… different, but it doesn't do much for my image as the evil leader of Team Rocket.  
  
Mateo: I don't know what to say… I've never been in fanfiction before… I might be opening another glass shop in Vermilion; they have a lot of tourists.  
  
Koga: I don't get many fanfiction either, and… it was nice.  
  
Captain Ayden: Same here. It wasn't really something I'd rather talk about, all that stuff in the past, but… it was nice to be included.  
  
Todd: I'm glad I could help. Now, didn't you say you'd pay for those photos Sarah???  
  
Pokéshippers: Ash and Misty forever!!!  
  
Gymshippers: No, BROCK AND MISTY!!!  
  
B*tchshippers: No, she belongs with Jesse!!!  
  
Sarah: Okay, okay, no more shipper speeches.  
  
Pikachu: Pika! **translation: It was um… fun! Thanks for getting rid of Togepi, it was always trying to kill me, and I'm glad SOMEONE knows what I'm saying as Ash never understands what I'm really saying.**  
  
Psyduck: Duck-duck-duck!!! **translation: I'm not as dumb as people think! Give me a chance! And if Misty ever let me battle maybe I WOULD evolve just like she wants.**  
  
Officer Jenny: I never got to arrest anyone! I never got my alcoholic drink!!!  
  
Jessebelle: I can't believe my darling James is a cross dresser!!! Oh, cruel world…  
  
Sarah: This is where Togepi would say something, only he's dead.  
  
Nurse Joy: Well, I don't think I like being a nurse. Especially now my Pokémon Centre is more or less destroyed…  
  
Meowth: I had a small part, I got kicked off, and I had a killer headache. I'm not happy about dis at all.  
  
Mondo: I had a great time, and a great visit. It was nice to see you guys! I hope I can come back soon, though Musashi and Kojiro need me in Japan.  
  
Chansey: Next time we will take over the world, just you wait and see!!! Bwhahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
Blissey: Same as what Chansey said.  
  
Jigglypuff: Jiggly!!! **translation: well, I had fun, and SOMEONE LISTENED TO MY SONG THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH! Waaa-hey!!!**  
  
Dexter: No-one under-stands me be-cause I'm ju-st a Poké-dex. But to-day I had a per-son-al-lity. Than-k you.  
  
Kojiro: **says something in Japanese that no one understands except Mondo**  
  
Mondo: He says he had a good time here, that he's better than James, and he'd like to see you all again sometime. But we have to go back to Japan; Musashi will wonder where we are.  
  
Daisy: We, like, loved, like, being in a like, fanfic!  
  
Lily: Yeah, it was like, the coolest!  
  
Violet: Like, totally! We're like, characters too, you like, know!  
  
Delivery Man: There're some more post-it notes in my van…  
  
Mondo: Mail them to Japan for me.  
  
Delivery Man: They came from there in the first place! I wouldn't have had them sent here if I'd known they'd be going back…  
  
Future Misty: If you're wondering, Brock got me a new Togepi, which evolved. It probably confused you, since the other one was dead.  
  
Future Brock: Hey, get used to us, cuz we're the faces of the future!  
  
Future Ash: I'm going to win all the leagues! Be the greatest trainer ever!  
  
Kayleigh: Well, I'm used to being the writer and not the character, so this was a bit different for me… but it was funny.  
  
Sarah: Wow, thanks guys… it's going to be so weird knowing I don't have this to come back to on moments of being high on chocolate or severe writer's block. It's been fun, even though you've nearly given me a nervous breakdown more than once… I'm going to miss it. I might have to start a new one!!! But one hundred pages is enough for one. There were times when I thought we'd never make it… but we did. Thank you. And now for the serious thank you, for the real people.  
  
Misty: Hey!  
  
Sarah: Thank you Daisy and Kayleigh, for reading through this at various stages and nearly falling off your chairs laughing. Thank you Kayleigh, for being such a good character. Thank you… well, just thanks everyone. And now you've read all that… yes, that's YOU, the reader, wondering what comes next… please send love/hate mail, fan mail, comments, letter bombs etc… to me at sarah_gaywood@hotmail.com . Please! I have to know what people think… I can't get the review thing to work at fanfiction.net, so you'll have to do it the long way and email me. Oh… I don't want to end this. But I have to. This is The End. Finish. No more. Goodbye everyone, see you next fanfic…  
  
Kayleigh: Uh, Sarah, how do we get out of this place???  
  
Sarah: I don't… know… 


End file.
